Haven't heard a word after yesterday's pleas for attention

[JerryRG]

So my son's mother was so desperate she begged to meet me and discuss her future, today I haven't heard from her at all.

It's as if she wanted my attention, narcissistic supply, and now she's filled up and can live on that for a while.

I took the bait, I was so excited to think she was actually going to get help. I think she may have felt bad and maybe wanted to but her moods change quickly.
I didn't meet her and won't because I'm not safe around her.

It does bother me that she promised to give me money for our sons bills and now she's hiding.

Oh well, at least I now know her pretending to be happy and having her life together was all a show to make me and others believe it was my fault for destroying her.

She said something interesting a few days ago.

She's been abused and hurt by so many guys and "rejection" is just as painful and hurtful as abuse.

I didn't reject her! I couldn't take care of her and our son, she wouldn't do anything to help herself. She got sicker, lupus? And she thinks I abandoned her?

What else could I do? Over 45 days of her sleeping and not taking one step to get well. I will not care for 2 children when 1 is an adult. Our son needs me, she needs help from professionals.

Anyway, this silence is my punishment from her, I hear sirens and the memories come back. I am just so thankful this time around our son is safe with me.

Last summer she text that she was at a lake and by the time the police found her she would be dead, our son was with her. I cannot go through this again, I will not let go of him. I've seen too many nightmares in her. Now her bf is abusing her, how long will it be before he beats her again and or our son?

I don't know what I would do to someone who hurt my child, it wouldn't be pretty.

Sorry for my self pity. I'm tired

[Nyla]

 A friend who has a longer time with no contact with her ex told me something that helped me. Don't expect anything from them. Because if it isn't about them it's not for them. She also said whenever they try to contact don't give them a mustard seed of attention. Not because your angry but because they are incapable. I hope that helps.

[JerryRG]

Thank you Nyla

It does help, I had almost cut our communication down to nothing until she told me her bf was abusing her and she's getting help.

I allowed my optimism to take over my reasoning and I encouraged her to get help.

Oh well

Nothings changed, I didn't meet her and that would have lead to more trouble.

Thanks again

[myself]

Is there also a bit of 'attention seeking' going on here, with you?

[JerryRG]

I'm just upset with my behaviour and hers, I know what happened and why I had to walk away from her, I can't explain it to her, I can't get her to understand.

I want her well, she was never happy and I realized I couldn't do anything to help her. I didn't want to. I had no choice.

Now she's wanting to see me and part of me wants to see her, I know I can't. I know it wouldn't work.

I always had this belief that if she found what I had we would get along. She stays out there in the dark, sick and then shows she wants help, I jump, she fades away.

I fell for it again.

I guess I am looking for answers, predictions, reassurances, outcomes. It's limbo, I still want us to be a family, I want what I want.

Attention? Maybe. My sponsor would know right away.

[Turkish]

Oh well, at least I now know her pretending to be happy and having her life together was all a show to make me and others believe it was my fault for destroying her.

Maybe she wasn't pretending... .at the time.  This is an emotional dysregulation disorder.  This isn't a stable person. I still get the feeling that you're trying to comprehend her from your point -of-view.  Have you dug deep into the disorder,  in order to really understand it?  

Understanding how she thinks may help you gain some emotional distance and clarity,  which can help you focus on your son.  I just got a call from my ex.  :)espite her DV last week,  and almost being reported to CPS, it sounds like all is normal.  It is,  for now,  until the next drama which will come.  It's frustrating,  but it is what it is. Remember Spock. We have kids with these parents. I'm getting mine early in the am tomorrow on her weekend (she and her H are into a silly MLM, and it's a required meeting). I'll take whatever extra time I can with the kids,  and let the "adults" deal with themselves.  

[JerryRG]

I agree Turkish

I don't know how she thinks, I can barely understand my own thinking. I deliberately keep myself confused so I don't understand.

The reason I'm sure about this is I'm not sleeping well again, I'm fighting to not think about her and I'm worried.

I'm not doing my program well either. When I do what I'm told to do my thinking clears.

I'm a mess right now, tired all the time, bumping into things, I fell yesterday, I cannot remember things, unless it's the chemo I'm acting like a zombie. I have to get back on track.

Not sure what's going on, just confused and tired