Book recommendations for my mother dealing with her BPD sister?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Haven't posted in a while... .I am estranged from my uBPD "real" bio-mom and joined the board years ago for that... .but this post is actually seeking education for my step-mom (who I will refer to as mom here).

Mom's sister is textbook uBPD who admits to all of her family that she struggles with depression and is half-heartedly open to treatment to appease everyone... .and have a fall-back excuse for times when she gets "caught." Uses that for sympathy of course also so abhorrent behavior is excused because she is "doing so well" to be functioning. She lies, cheats, steals, embezzles thousands of dollars from her father because she runs one of his businesses. Lives in a giant house and spends crazy amounts... .her husband is a very successful lawyer who is completely enmeshed, along with all of her children who eat up her "poor me" routine that everyone is against her. My mom, one of her brothers and another relative are "on to" her, no one has ever confronted her about doing things like seeking mortgages on her father's estates and businesses in secret or anything... .except the one brother who she immediately went to war with, accused him of violence and everything in the book.

Anyway, I have tried my best to help my mom with basic concepts I've learned here and she has done basic research online about the FOG and all of that. I have no relationship with any of the parties because it's my (technically step) mom's out of state family who I have only met once in my life. I would like to buy her a book that will help her to find some peace, knowledge, and tools to deal.

Any feedback or advice is appreciate.

[mysoulishome]

Haven't posted in a while... .I am estranged from my uBPD "real" bio-mom and joined the board years ago for that... .but this post is actually seeking education for my step-mom (who I will refer to as mom here).

Mom's sister is textbook uBPD who admits to all of her family that she struggles with depression and is half-heartedly open to treatment to appease everyone... .and have a fall-back excuse for times when she gets "caught." Uses that for sympathy of course also so abhorrent behavior is excused because she is "doing so well" to be functioning. She lies, cheats, steals, embezzles thousands of dollars from her father because she runs one of his businesses. Lives in a giant house and spends crazy amounts... .her husband is a very successful lawyer who is completely enmeshed, along with all of her children who eat up her "poor me" routine that everyone is against her. My mom, one of her brothers and another relative are "on to" her, no one has ever confronted her about doing things like seeking mortgages on her father's estates and businesses in secret or anything... .except the one brother who she immediately went to war with, accused him of violence and everything in the book.

Anyway, I have tried my best to help my mom with basic concepts I've learned here and she has done basic research online about the FOG and all of that. I have no relationship with any of the parties because it's my (technically step) mom's out of state family who I have only met once in my life. I would like to buy her a book that will help her to find some peace, knowledge, and tools to deal.

Any feedback or advice is appreciate.

[Naughty Nibbler]

HI mysoulishome:  
The two books referenced below are a couple of general books on BPD.  The link below will take you to an area on the messageboard with threads to discuss various books.  You could browse that list and read about some of them.  Others may have something else to recommend.

How nice of you to help your step mom.  I read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  This website was mentioned in that book and that is what lead me here.

Best wishes.

"The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder"
New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
By Randi Kreger

"Stop Walking on Eggshells"
Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
By Randi Kreger and Paul Mason

LINK TO BOOK REVIEW SECTION ON THIS WEBSITE
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=33.0

[Panda39]

I wanted to suggest she visit the library too that is where I began reading about BPD.  I was able to read many books on the subject that I felt gave me a well rounded idea of what I was dealing with in my SO's uBPDxw.  Along with Stop Walking on Eggshells I also particularly liked Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr.  I found it to be a well rounded informative book on BPD.



You could certainly refer your step-mom here for advice and strategies that might be helpful particularly in real-time situations.  As I'm sure you know it's helpful to talk with others that "get it" and who have been there.

Panda39

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Mysoulishome, 

The books listed are wonderful resources for you to suggest to your step mom. There are a few others listed in the link NaughtyNibbler posted that may be helpful as well.

A book that is one of the classics is I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. The 2010 edition is revised and updated. I've not read through the entire book yet, but it was one of the very first books written about BPD back in 1989.

It is wonderful that you are extending a hand of understanding and kindness to her, and how amazing that she is aware!  Sounds as if you've been a good source of information yourself. 

Wools