Donating the clothes she gave me

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey everyone:

It's been 3 months since the break-up and 2.5 months of full NC, and I'm doing better. The real change, I think, is that I've started to work on me. I still have days, like today, when I'm still pretty sad. I still miss her. I know this is normal from reading others' stories.

The longer I'm away from her and the more I learn about BPD, the more I'm noticing certain triggers. One big one is some clothing she gave me. I like the clothes very much but I just realized I can decide to donate them and replace them. It's weird but I was clinging to them in a way because I thought I needed to be strong enough to wear the clothing. What a relief to realize I can give them away! I'm not weak because I need to do this. It's actually a sign of growth. Progress not perfection, right?

So today I'm going shopping

What a journey. Oy.

Pete

[petedrexler]

Hey everyone:

It's been 3 months since the break-up and 2.5 months of full NC, and I'm doing better. The real change, I think, is that I've started to work on me. I still have days, like today, when I'm still pretty sad. I still miss her. I know this is normal from reading others' stories.

The longer I'm away from her and the more I learn about BPD, the more I'm noticing certain triggers. One big one is some clothing she gave me. I like the clothes very much but I just realized I can decide to donate them and replace them. It's weird but I was clinging to them in a way because I thought I needed to be strong enough to wear the clothing. What a relief to realize I can give them away! I'm not weak because I need to do this. It's actually a sign of growth. Progress not perfection, right?

So today I'm going shopping

What a journey. Oy.

Pete

[amunt]

Ι flung everything in the trash can   

[zonnebloem]

I wear them with joy and some guilthfeeling for he as done his best to please me.

[Mutt]

Hi petedrexler,

I like the clothes very much but I just realized I can decide to donate them and replace them. It's weird but I was clinging to them in a way because I thought I needed to be strong enough to wear the clothing.

I can relate with things that were gifted that were triggers after the split, some things I threw out and other things I packed up and stored it. I still have some things in storage and I'm slowly replacing everything ( furniture ) because I wanted a fresh start with no reminders and I was moving on at that stage. You could pack the clothes and store it and see how you feel later, if you're less triggered then with the clothes, you could try  wearing them if you're really fond of the clothes. If you're still triggered you can choose to donate it then?

[petedrexler]

Hi Mutt:

I like your idea, and thanks for writing. Having said that, just got back from Goodwill. It feels good to me. It really does. This breakup has been the weirdest, most difficult thing I've gone through. I hope to never hear from her or see her again (of course I'm still in love with her and that's why I have to stay far, far away because she can't love me in a way that's safe for me). And I'm glad I got rid of the clothes!

Pete

[Pipedreamer25]

I'm really happy for you Pete.  Sometimes out of sight and out of mind is the best thing. It's very healthy.  I've just had a big clean up of the apartment I shared with my dexBPDbf because I was going to pieces at the sight of every little thing he left behind.  I hope to learn from your strength and hope that you're having a good day today.

[petedrexler]

Thanks, Pipedreamer25!

I bought the replacements too, and I'm so relieved. Have a good night!

Pete

[UnforgivenII]

Ι flung everything in the trash can   

I did the same.