3 years of mind games with my ex fiance

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

so I wont really go in details about how weird it was during the 3 years of my relationship, but yes it started with the 3 phases and kept cycling all over the place.

my ex was a highly active BPD, she was a dentist, cool and crazy, and we really just click and enjoy each other company until ! her mum comes into the picture. her mum is the cold type npd who scape goat my ex and her sisters and always screwed them for their elder brother who hated everyone in the world including himself ( his the golden son ). their father dad when my ex was around 5 yrs old. so I can see why shes sick.

she lives in another city but it wasn't always a long distance relationship, and even when we were away we talk all day long.

anyhow fast forward to the last couple months and how it went down the sink. we were to have our wedding on the 27th oct and here how it went:

 so I was on a business trip for 2 weeks, and my fiancé kept telling me she doesn't feel good and she wanna travel somewhere, then she came up with the excuse to travel to this country with her sister to study this course and assured me she will be back the next day am coming back so the day after we can go and book and pay for the wedding etc...

so I come back, and that night she spent out the nigh with her sister and this new stranger girl at the bars, next day she woke up sick and missed her flight, so she get another flight for 2 days later, m still cool, I start looking for the wedding hall we agreed about months earlier and I get shocked that there are no dates available till the end of the year and the only one left is 27th oct.

so I made a 1 day free booking ( I have to pay the money the next day or ill lose the free booking ) so I call her in the after noon telling her about the situation and that later in the night we should talk abt the wedding as I have to pay the next day ( she was out hanging with her sister and stuff )

in the night I text her and the conversation went like that :

me: hi bae are u back ?
ex: no am out
me: when your coming back ?
ex: hmm I don't know
me: what you mean you don't know
ex: hmm because were hanging with rose ( the stupid stranger )
me: but bae common I told you about the date thingy and how we gona lose the booking if I don't pay tomorrow + I told you this afternoon about it!
ex: no you didnt
me: m pissed off but holding my cool , so I send her a capture of my texts and how she agreed
ex: ohh yeah right, well I forgot
me: ok so what now ?
ex: I don't know because we might hit the bars with rose later
me: ok cant yougo back to the hotel so we can skype and show you the pictures of the wedding hall ? you know cuz we have to make our minds tonight
ex: no I cant am away from the hotel
me: hmm cant you guys all go back and chill at the hotel bar so we can talk ?
ex: no we cant right now, you know what just go ahead and book it its all cool
me: hmm but you have to see the pictures and the offers etc.
ex: its ok I trust you
me: hmm ok but can you please call your mum to tell her about the date before I go ahead ?
ex: no I cant
me: what do you mean ?
ex: I have to meet her in person n tell her so you have to wait 2 more days
me: wth but she already know we agreed months ago about our wedding to be in October wth you wanna tell her ?
ex: I have to ask her in person shes my mum you know and I have to respect her
me: wth ur talking abt ? so your respecting her by us booking without her knowledge and then telling her later in person ?
ex: yes of course

and then I got angry telling her why can you take things seriously ? why does it have to be always me doing everything like you want and even then youll never stick to your part of agreement ? and she said its ok relax just go book it, so I got angry and went to sleep she never even said sorry you know ?

next day I go and book it, still angry from my ex and not telling her wether I booked or not bcuz I wanted an apology so badly and she keeps talking like she did nothing. she spent the day texting me please book it book it blah blah

the day after that I surrender and I apologize to myself as I knew am not getting any apology from her, so I skype her in the night and we talk cool until I told her listen lets am happy u know why ? cuz I already booked the wedding yaaaaay !

and before I knew, all hell broke lose ! she started shouting like crazy, you booked it since 2 days without telling me ? she keept on going and screaming and swearing, while I kept calm and sucked it all in so it doesn't escalate, the next day its the same thing !

I mean What the heck ! she tells me to book it, and then she tells me I booked it without she knowing plus making allll kinds of weird excuses and blaming bs. we kept on doing those circular arguemnts for 2 weeks straight every single day ( to the point I got some chill pills just not to get angry when she keep accusing me ) but nothing worked, she does her best to make me angry, she keeps doing it for 4 - 5 days straight until I vent out a bit of anger , and then shes like you see ? that's why I don't wana be with you , you scare me, your abusive, you have an abusive personality, you hate my family and my mother !

at this point I knew its going no where, and I had to cancel the wedding and burn my face and ego and everything infront my family and relative and friends ! ( as they knew about this stupid crazy love thingy abt me and this girl )

to sum it up , If somebody step on your foot, youll say hey u stepped on my foot, and the other person will be like geee am sorry ( 10 seconds max )

with my ex: bae you stepped on my foot, she : no I stepped on your toe, no I didn't step on your foot, no you put your foot under my foot ( and before I know it 4 hours has passed ) and it ends by me apologizing for something ancient I did or said !

seriously it sounds like a joke, but whenever we argue it will always end by me apologizing for something she didn't like in me and I have to change it, which I usually did  !

anyways sorry for the ranting but that how it is to be in a relations with a mind F***ed BPD sick person, it just never works for them, they live , feed and strive on conflict

[bpdheal]

so I wont really go in details about how weird it was during the 3 years of my relationship, but yes it started with the 3 phases and kept cycling all over the place.

my ex was a highly active BPD, she was a dentist, cool and crazy, and we really just click and enjoy each other company until ! her mum comes into the picture. her mum is the cold type npd who scape goat my ex and her sisters and always screwed them for their elder brother who hated everyone in the world including himself ( his the golden son ). their father dad when my ex was around 5 yrs old. so I can see why shes sick.

she lives in another city but it wasn't always a long distance relationship, and even when we were away we talk all day long.

anyhow fast forward to the last couple months and how it went down the sink. we were to have our wedding on the 27th oct and here how it went:

 so I was on a business trip for 2 weeks, and my fiancé kept telling me she doesn't feel good and she wanna travel somewhere, then she came up with the excuse to travel to this country with her sister to study this course and assured me she will be back the next day am coming back so the day after we can go and book and pay for the wedding etc...

so I come back, and that night she spent out the nigh with her sister and this new stranger girl at the bars, next day she woke up sick and missed her flight, so she get another flight for 2 days later, m still cool, I start looking for the wedding hall we agreed about months earlier and I get shocked that there are no dates available till the end of the year and the only one left is 27th oct.

so I made a 1 day free booking ( I have to pay the money the next day or ill lose the free booking ) so I call her in the after noon telling her about the situation and that later in the night we should talk abt the wedding as I have to pay the next day ( she was out hanging with her sister and stuff )

in the night I text her and the conversation went like that :

me: hi bae are u back ?
ex: no am out
me: when your coming back ?
ex: hmm I don't know
me: what you mean you don't know
ex: hmm because were hanging with rose ( the stupid stranger )
me: but bae common I told you about the date thingy and how we gona lose the booking if I don't pay tomorrow + I told you this afternoon about it!
ex: no you didnt
me: m pissed off but holding my cool , so I send her a capture of my texts and how she agreed
ex: ohh yeah right, well I forgot
me: ok so what now ?
ex: I don't know because we might hit the bars with rose later
me: ok cant yougo back to the hotel so we can skype and show you the pictures of the wedding hall ? you know cuz we have to make our minds tonight
ex: no I cant am away from the hotel
me: hmm cant you guys all go back and chill at the hotel bar so we can talk ?
ex: no we cant right now, you know what just go ahead and book it its all cool
me: hmm but you have to see the pictures and the offers etc.
ex: its ok I trust you
me: hmm ok but can you please call your mum to tell her about the date before I go ahead ?
ex: no I cant
me: what do you mean ?
ex: I have to meet her in person n tell her so you have to wait 2 more days
me: wth but she already know we agreed months ago about our wedding to be in October wth you wanna tell her ?
ex: I have to ask her in person shes my mum you know and I have to respect her
me: wth ur talking abt ? so your respecting her by us booking without her knowledge and then telling her later in person ?
ex: yes of course

and then I got angry telling her why can you take things seriously ? why does it have to be always me doing everything like you want and even then youll never stick to your part of agreement ? and she said its ok relax just go book it, so I got angry and went to sleep she never even said sorry you know ?

next day I go and book it, still angry from my ex and not telling her wether I booked or not bcuz I wanted an apology so badly and she keeps talking like she did nothing. she spent the day texting me please book it book it blah blah

the day after that I surrender and I apologize to myself as I knew am not getting any apology from her, so I skype her in the night and we talk cool until I told her listen lets am happy u know why ? cuz I already booked the wedding yaaaaay !

and before I knew, all hell broke lose ! she started shouting like crazy, you booked it since 2 days without telling me ? she keept on going and screaming and swearing, while I kept calm and sucked it all in so it doesn't escalate, the next day its the same thing !

I mean What the heck ! she tells me to book it, and then she tells me I booked it without she knowing plus making allll kinds of weird excuses and blaming bs. we kept on doing those circular arguemnts for 2 weeks straight every single day ( to the point I got some chill pills just not to get angry when she keep accusing me ) but nothing worked, she does her best to make me angry, she keeps doing it for 4 - 5 days straight until I vent out a bit of anger , and then shes like you see ? that's why I don't wana be with you , you scare me, your abusive, you have an abusive personality, you hate my family and my mother !

at this point I knew its going no where, and I had to cancel the wedding and burn my face and ego and everything infront my family and relative and friends ! ( as they knew about this stupid crazy love thingy abt me and this girl )

to sum it up , If somebody step on your foot, youll say hey u stepped on my foot, and the other person will be like geee am sorry ( 10 seconds max )

with my ex: bae you stepped on my foot, she : no I stepped on your toe, no I didn't step on your foot, no you put your foot under my foot ( and before I know it 4 hours has passed ) and it ends by me apologizing for something ancient I did or said !

seriously it sounds like a joke, but whenever we argue it will always end by me apologizing for something she didn't like in me and I have to change it, which I usually did  !

anyways sorry for the ranting but that how it is to be in a relations with a mind F***ed BPD sick person, it just never works for them, they live , feed and strive on conflict

[bpdheal]

of course I never got a closure, she dumped me in our wedding, I blocked her and everything, but she kept calling me apologizing that I push her and scare her blah blah blah ?

she tells me please fix it, I know you can fix it, and when I try to she keeps pushing me away making all kind of non sense excuses , its frustrating , its like reasoning with a 3 yrs old child.

she wana fix it but avoids meeting me in person, she turned down all my invitations to talk in person and reason and even told her lets meet to agree or agree to disagree ( a closure ) so its a win win scenario for you, but no shes delusional , she imagines danger to the point she told me :

do you know why am scared to be with you ? your so abusive that am sure when I take the kids somewhere you didn't like, you will rage and go nuts on me and hurt me.

hahaha I mean seriously what the heck ? what kids ? wth ? maybe we can never make babies ! and where the hell she gona take the imaginery kids that gona make me angry ? bars ? night club ?

she will always snap when she in stress, she gets verbally abusive not on me ( cuz she did once and she saw how nasty my tongue can get ) however she did slap me once, and I never did anything, infact she slapped me and cried hahahaha,  its so wicked !

this is so unreal ! to the point last time I told her listen its not you with BPD, its me I lied to you, its all me, and guess what ? she believed it and said yeah I think you are and you should get therapy, well yeah hell yeah I need therapy after 3 yrs of mind twisting stupid issues

[heartandwhole]

Hi BPDheal 

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your wedding cancellation. That is so hurtful, and I know in your shoes I'd feel very angry and confused. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, as far as some of the behaviors you described.

It sounds like things may have gotten too close for comfort, and your gf started to pull back out of fear. Lots of people get cold feet, but from your descriptions of her behavior and her family background, there's a chance that there is a bit more going on.

I know how hard it is when the dream crashes, BPDheal. How are you holding up? Are your friends and family supportive?

What kind of contact do you have with your gf right now?

Hang in there. You can get through this. We're here for you.

heartandwhole