BPDs get along with other BPDs?

[rosesarered777]

My ex-BPD claimed her BPD male "friend" understood her point of view easily and that we never saw eye to eye together. So she claims she would talk to her friend about us even though I told her that she should be talking to me, not him.

She apparently pushed him away at one point, saying she wanted nothing to do with him. She was having problems with rent so he offered to have her move into his place. Her reason not to move was that I wouldn't like it... but who knows?

She claims she wanted to change her number so people like him couldnt contact her (and so I couldn't either).

[once removed]

hey rosesarered777 

are you asking if two people with BPD can be friends or date? sure they can. intimacy is a trigger though, for pwBPD, so the closer a relationship (of any kind) gets, the more volatile it can be. it sounds as if he may have been painted black.

[thisworld]

In my experience, they do (in their own way, mind you). Mine had an ex very similar to him. She was someone else's replacement but then became his biggest love. They cheated on each other all the time, they gossiped about each other a lot during this big love and interpreted all these as passion. My ex becomes valuable for this woman each time he builds another relationship - like she appears and starts sabotaging even if she has her own boyfriend. My ex kept on saying degrading things about her but also character assassinating me to her. When I met him, the replacement of this woman was the past "biggest love of his life". I soon noticed that all past relationships were the biggest love of his life. Because they experience tumultous things in relationships, it becomes very easy for them (I think) to communicate with each other very rudely on a daily basis and keep on doing things behind each other's back. But they remain in each other's lives and triangulate all the time. If you call this "getting along", yes they get along swimmingly )   

[rosesarered777]

Sorry for the late reply.

It seems like my girlfriend/ex-BPD/either wife/separated ex-wife has now gone back to this guy, possibly just over Facebook but I doubt it. Your experiences thisworld seem to be totally bang-on --- they talk about /our/ relationship even though that should be confidential and resolved by her and I (not through another guy that used to sleep with her!) and I am still blocked from Facebook.

After claiming we should get married, she got into a rage and we are separated for the last 2+ months.

From what I have read, BPDs can understand each other better but it seems like they are more likely to also TRIGGER each other rather than having a non with a BPD. What are your experiences on that, btw?

[Pretty Woman]

They use each other.

All my ex's BPD friends she talks bad about unless she needs something from them. Then, she calls them her bffs.

It's kinda sick.

I believe I have BPD tendencies. I am very guilty of push pulling in past relationships but I have never cruely discarded anyone.

They say like attracts like. I do believe there is some truth to that.  A healthy person would have ran if they encountered my ex.  I stayed for three years with over 13 breakups and being cheated on with four people.

[shatra]

Thisworld wrote
Because they experience tumultous things in relationships, it becomes very easy for them (I think) to communicate with each other very rudely on a daily basis and keep on doing things behind each other's back. But they remain in each other's lives and triangulate all the time.

----But the BPD person would be doing this to any partner, whether the partner is BPD or not... .

------I would say 2 BPD's together would be even more unstable and less likely to last long-term than a non and a BPD.  2 BPDs would trigger each  other, and the mutual push pull would be damaging.  Plus, where is the stability and honesty to actually carry on a real relationship?

[troisette]

"In my experience, they do (in their own way, mind you). Mine had an ex very similar to him. She was someone else's replacement but then became his biggest love. They cheated on each other all the time, they gossiped about each other a lot during this big love and interpreted all these as passion. My ex becomes valuable for this woman each time he builds another relationship - like she appears and starts sabotaging even if she has her own boyfriend... .

My ex kept on saying degrading things about her but also character assassinating me to her.Because they experience tumultous things in relationships, it becomes very easy for them (I think) to communicate with each other very rudely on a daily basis and keep on doing things behind each other's back. But they remain in each other's lives and triangulate all the time. If you call this "getting along", yes they get along swimmingly smiley)   "

I remember this post by this world because what she said resonated with my experience at the time,  almost word for word.

I'm not sure if the other woman in my ex's life was BPD but she was disordered in some way and they had an unhealthily symbiotic relationship, exactly as this world described. I think she also described such a person as an "oasis" in a BPD's life: even though it's a love/hate relationship they need each other for mutual feed and triangulation.

When I look back, it was all very sick. Not a good scene to be around or take part in.