Hes seeking help

[red1152]

Hello, my name is red1152. I have a romantic partner. I was unaware of his condition when I met him. He was sweet and convinced me that he was a true nice guy. I believe he is, but I also believe that the military brought something out in him that neither one of us likes. He actually distinguishes it as a different person. Just recently, he pushed me onto the bed. It didn't hurt, but he put his hands on me and I let him know he crossed the line. I almost broke it off, but he almost tried to commit suicide. He recognized how low he had gotten, and called the suicide hotline. He also scheduled an appointment with a therapist. I told him I'm not leaving him, even if he wants to just be friends I will always be there for him. This is not the first encounter I've had with his "other self". But ever since he has been spiraling, walking around looking half dead and just floating through life, hardly talking. There's no light in his eyes seventy five percent of the time and now he is distancing himself from me. I just need support getting through this. Advice on how to be there for someone who is pushing you away only to pull you back in a whirlwind romance and start the vicious cycle all over again. He has no clue he has BPD, but I recognize all of the symptoms being a psychology major and I haven't mentioned it to him. After all I could be wrong, but by joining this group I at least will be able to talk with people who are dealing with people who have the same symptoms. He self harms, is impulsive and reclusive in cycles, goes through bouts of depression and has high emotional needs and his feelings often make him extremely paranoid that everyone is out to harm or use him in some way. Whenever he feels really really good emotionally with me, it only takes a day for him to question why everything is going so good. He starts getting paranoid and accuses me of sleeping with multiple other people and does everything to try to get me to leave him. But I know better and we both genuinely love each other. I know the therapy will help him and help our relationship but I just need to know that I'm doing the right things while going through this transition.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi red1152,



What a frightening situation to find yourself in. I'm happy to hear that your bf is Ok, how are you doing? You probably already know this but a pwBPD will frantically try to avoid abandonment and expect that every loves one in their lives will leave them, he's probably testing the limits to see if you're going to leave him.

That's great to hear that he's going to therapy, I understand that you're a psych major, are you seeing a T ( therapist ) It helps to talk to a T concurrently with a support group. Are you getting support in real life with family and friends? Do you have opportunities for some time for yourself for self care? Usually BPD traits emerge during periods of stress, is there anything presently that could be a trigger?

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you can a look around, we have a ton of material here, the lessons are on the right side if the board.

I'm glad that you decided to join the discussions, members her can relate with you and offer you guidance and support.  You're not alone

[red1152]

Im really glad to hear from you and your concern for my well being is so refreshing. I am not doing very well, but I am definitely taking care of myself in this period where he is pulling away and distancing himself fully from me. It hurts that he does this because when I call he doesn't answer, and it makes me feel like I'm the one who would be there for him the moment he calls, but when I need him he's not there. I understand that he is probably trying to see if I'll leave him by doing this, he's done other things to try to get me to leave as well but I've stood firm. He is also feeling like a failure and weak because he just told his family that he is going to get help.
I have not seen a therapist because I cannot afford it and I haven't been able to find any free group therapy sessions where I live in Arlington, TX. Of all the people I call friends, I don't feel comfortable talking with any of them about these problems without fear of judgement on George. People don't understand these conditions like the people on this message board do. As of now, you all are all I have, and you all have me.
I just want to know that I'm doing everything the right way. I may have called him too many times yesterday because I was just so confused as to why he wasn't answering. He messaged me and I quote "You already have my phone number and address, what else do you need? I really am not trying to deal with drama."
That hurt. Ive never caused drama with him. All of this just makes me want to run far far away for awhile. I will not leave him, but a week or two without him just sounds so nice to me, is that messed up?
I let him know that I understood that telling his Mom who he is very close with about needing help from a therapist was very hard for him. I then told him that I'm going to give him his space for a couple of days and also work on myself and focus on my son.

Hi red1152,



What a frightening situation to find yourself in. I'm happy to hear that your bf is Ok, how are you doing? You probably already know this but a pwBPD will frantically try to avoid abandonment and expect that every loves one in their lives will leave them, he's probably testing the limits to see if you're going to leave him.

That's great to hear that he's going to therapy, I understand that you're a psych major, are you seeing a T ( therapist ) It helps to talk to a T concurrently with a support group. Are you getting support in real life with family and friends? Do you have opportunities for some time for yourself for self care? Usually BPD traits emerge during periods of stress, is there anything presently that could be a trigger?

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you can a look around, we have a ton of material here, the lessons are on the right side if the board.

I'm glad that you decided to join the discussions, members her can relate with you and offer you guidance and support.  You're not alone

[Mutt]

I understand that it's difficult for people that have not been in a r/s with someone mentally ill they often grasp it. It's invalidating when someone gives you the recipe , you should do x, y, z Its not that easy, you care for him, you have a bond, a r/s. Loved ones may not know exactly what to say, often their hearts are in the right place. That said, it's your r/s and its not anyone else's business, it between you and G, not people outside of your r/s.

I would feel hurt too if I was there for someone and they weren't there when I needed them. I don't think that it's crazy to want to have a break for a couple of weeks, I completely understand the emotional rollercoaster. Self protection is a good idea, it will give you a buffer, time and space to mend a little, clear your mind, recharge your batteries, rethink a few things,. You have a son and sure that he keeps you busy.