Seeking detachment

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So what does one say when seeking a therapist about trying emotionally detaching from a borderline?  I've been to therapy for 6 weeks and took some classes but I'm kinda at a dead end. 

[Grissum69]

So what does one say when seeking a therapist about trying emotionally detaching from a borderline?  I've been to therapy for 6 weeks and took some classes but I'm kinda at a dead end. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey Grissum-

Have you looked at the stages of detachment over there lately? ---------->

As might be clear, it's not about your ex, it's about you, so as you go into therapy, best to just talk about yourself, how you're feeling, and your beliefs about yourself and the world, and the therapist is going to steer you towards those things too.

It can be helpful if the therapist is up to speed on Cluster B personality disorders, but it's been a while for you, maybe not necessary, but can't hurt.

So bottom line, best to go into therapy with an open mind, an open heart, a willingness to go wherever it takes you, and have some positive expectations; set yourself up to win.  And it's more important to go talk to someone rather than wait for the "perfect" therapist, and you can always change if it isn't working for you, although go in with the expectation that the therapist is exactly who they're supposed to be.

Take care of you!

[Grissum69]

Ok so just go in and ask to see someone to talk to ?  and go from there ...   I was always under the impression there has to a reason to go see someone.

[fromheeltoheal]

Ok so just go in and ask to see someone to talk to ?  and go from there ...  I was always under the impression there has to a reason to go see someone.

There is a reason Grissum; you told us this today:

Wow I was hit hard by that, it bothered me a lot and I wasn't sure how to feel.  I wanted to cry, be mad, and I was shaking for no reason I was / am just crushed I guess I don't know how to describe it.  Again i sit here and wonder why did she contact me?   So many things have gone though my head since she contacted me...  The thing I really don't understand is why does this bother me so damn much... ?   Sadly I haven't been with anyone since she left me, it's hard to find someone on your level these days that can connect with you even at the smallest point.

You weren't sure how to feel, you were shaking and crushed, you don't know why it bothers you so damn much, and you're having challenges connecting with people.  It's been long enough that it's really not about her anymore, it's what you're making it mean.  Bottom line, and correct me if I'm wrong, you're stuck, you're not moving forward emotionally, you're not connecting with people, and her contact can send you into very unpleasant emotions, so that's what you have to talk about yes?  Sure, you're going to talk about her, but there's more there, about you, and having someone walk through that with you will be a grand adventure.

[Grissum69]

Gotcha...   Thank you

[Mutt]

Hi Grissun69,

I agree with fromheeltoheal, the T might say that they can't diagnose your ex because she's not present, if you feel like you have to say something, say something like "she had a mental illness of some sort" but don't focus on your ex, focus on self work, emphasis on self.

That said, don't settle for the T that you, you might be lucky and find a good T right away but it's important that you find someone that you feel like they synchronize with you, remember you're paying this person hard earned money, shop around if you have to, your mental health is important, you don't have to settle with the first T that you see if you don't feel like they're passionate about their work, if you find somebody that you really like keep using that same T!