Very sad.

[chobers]

Hi:

Nice to meet you, although I'd rather it was under better circumstances.

I have an ex-girlfriend whom I am still in love with. She told me she had BPD after 2 years of dating. I had known she had something, although I didn't know about BPD. It was a slow-motion sucker punch, I realized, after I read up on BPD.

I told her I would continue to see her if she would get some help; she said no. I asked her to call me if she changed her mind and left it at that.

The problem is that I am still attached to her and a small part of me is still hopeful. Unfortunately, the hopeful part is still too big. She's 60 and I doubt she will ever change. My task is to let myself forget her and move on.

[C.Stein]

Hello chobers,

It is hard to let go of hope, especially as you get older.  I totally understand that feeling of still being attached, I still feel it at times 14+ months after being introduced to the trashcan.

It must have been exceptionally hard to hear from her that she suffers from BPD after 2 years of being with her.  I get why you would feel sucker punched.  I assume since she told you that means she has received an official diagnosis?  Did your research on BPD give you any clarity with regard to issues that were present in your relationship?

Given her "no" with regard to getting help, her age and the nature of the disorder your conclusion that she will never change is almost certainly a correct one.

If you feel comfortable sharing more of your story it will help.  We are here to help you through this.   

[sweet tooth]

Hey, Chobers.  I empathize with your sadness.  I've felt very, very sad about everything that went down with the personality disordered person in my life.  Like C.Stein said, even months after the discard it still affects you.  The person with BPD in my life is in the same circle of friends as me, too, so it's making it very hard to completely detach. 

I also agree with C.Stein that your assessment on her prognosis is correct considering her age and reluctance to seek treatment.  I think you made a very smart, yet difficult, decision and I respect you for it.  You set your boundary: Get treatment or I'm done.  She didn't follow your boundary and you walked away.  I have a lot of respect for that and in my opinion, you did the right thing.

I wish you happiness and that you find a girlfriend who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[Mutt]

Hi chobers,



That would throw someone for a loop.

I told her I would continue to see her if she would get some help; she said no.

Maybe she said no because you asked her to get some help? I mean, up to that point before she told you it wasn't an issue?