I saw her Facebook Profile picture with her new partner.

[elfyguy]

So, I've been in NC for about 3 months now. I've gone to Buddhist retreats, been seeing a therapist and been having a general good time. I've been light dating and getting into uncomfortable situations to improve my emotional development. All in all, it's been pretty good. However, I sometimes think about her. I was talking to a friend today and she went on my ex's profile. I blocked my ex and kept it blocked but for certain reasons we went to her profile with my friend's account. I longingly asked to see it and she enlarged the picture.

The profile picture(all others are hidden) was her new boyfriend and her gazing into his eyes while lying down. She looked so happy, so memorized.
I stared at it like it was the last think i'd ever see; I experience so much emotional suffering. I think this is good for me, but I'm not sure in what way. She looked so pretty in the picture. I think I'll meditate on what I saw and try figure out why this happened. Don't worry, I won't contact her; her last email specifically stated she wanted no contact with me and I intend to honour that. Also, she's proven to be a crap friend.

Wow, that really hurt. Anyway, what do you guys and gals think?  

Btw, my friend was really shocked to see me so serious and unhappy - I'm never like that.

[thrownforaloop]

Hey elfguy,

I'm really sorry to hear about how difficult that was for you.

I experience so much emotional suffering. I think this is good for me, but I'm not sure in what way.

Maybe it is good for you, I don't know you... .but IMO it sounds like unnecessary suffering for you.  I'm not saying it is wrong, if it helps you! What do you think you are gaining from seeing it? Is it offering you some form of closure maybe?

I've been under the idea 'out of sight, out of mind'. So, avoiding pictures of my ex so that the horrible feelings don't resurface so quickly. Maybe WAAAYYYY down the line, when I'm over it, but in the mean time, just seems like it'd be pain for no reason.

Just my opinion. Hope you feel better!

[oceanyc]

Just remember, Facebook is a small glimpse, and it's a controlled environment as far as the narrative they wish to present.

[amunt]

She will dump him too in the future , so no big deal.  Facebook is Facebook

Move on with your life you will find a better woman

[C.Stein]

Wow, that really hurt. Anyway, what do you guys and gals think?

That would be incredibly difficult and painful for me to see.  This is the reason why I don't want to know what is happening in her life now ... .under any circumstances!

[Indifferent28]

I'm sorry you saw that elfyguy.
It doesn't seem to get easier no matter how many pictures you see of them and their new partner either.

I think theres two things with this, based on my own experience.
Seeing more of these sorts of posts is going to anger you and hurt you.
However, the more you see, the more real everything becomes.

I think all of us, despite knowing what we know about BPD, wishes that somehow our ex is still missing us. Those of us that want them back at least. But when we see photos like this, like they would rather not be anywhere else than with this person, it really sets in stone that they have moved on.

Is that a good thing? A good thing for all of us to realize I guess, because we have to do that in order to truly emotionally cut ties.

However, seeing pictures even like this, will still make you miss them. As you said, she looked 'pretty'. You start missing those tiny details about them when you see photos, or even read things they "like" on instagram and such. When you see how they look the same, but are totally different people, you will feel mixed emotions.

I think its sort of good you saw the photo. If it hurt, then it hurt. That's okay.
Sometimes we need that low in order to tell ourselves they're gone.
It's as if they are dead, but breathing. The one we remember is essentially dead.

[Jeff26]

I can relate to this.

My ex started engaging with my replacement on Facebook as early as a month after our break up (we were together for a little over a year)

Then at the 4 month mark I see a picture of them at my friends sisters wedding.

A week later she was bragging to mutual friends about her "boyfriend".

At the 6 month mark she changed her profile picture to one of the two of them & changed the header of her Facebook page to "Blessst".

Then a month later at the 7month mark, her and him were "in a relationship"  on Facebook.




I've thought it to be strange that she had him in her profile picture for over a month before they were Facebook official. Total cart before the horse. Possible desperation or maybe they were committed to each other or something before hand, who knows.

She has had the same profile picture for almost four months. Not that I am reading too much into that, I just find it interesting because I know her to be someone who would change that by now.


Anyway, after reading countless stories in here about this common pattern, I have somewhat come to terms with this in a way.

I am not consciously as emotional whenever I feel the want to snoop her or his Facebook page. I use to check multiple times a day, now I'll check like once a week.

And I'll admit, the reason I check is because I am waiting for the day that it is over... .not so I can pounce on her or anything... .just so I can be assured that my calculations were correct.


That, and I fear the day that she contacts me. I have a feeling it will happen shortly after they break up. I fear it because I know I will take that conversation head on and it's going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had in my life. It's looming.


Anyway, again, I relate to this post. I've been through it and felt what that feels like. It sucks, it makes you want to throw your phone or punch a hole in a wall... .but don't give into that feeling.

I turned that feeling into one where I feel like, in the saddest way, I won.

I won because I know that it is not healthy and normal to end the relationship and get into another in the fashion that she did. I mean ___, if I feel this way 9.5 month post breakup, yet she has been with a new guy the majority of that time... .something is wrong with her and I am taking the right path towards healing and being better for my next relationship and myself.

I'm winning, she is repeating history. Talk about a bitter sweet victory.

And I still love her more than anyone else; damn it.

[SoMadSoSad]

Wow Jeff, if I didnt know any better I would think that in my sleep I made another account on here and posted that message word for word.

[petedrexler]

And I still love her more than anyone else; damn it.

Yep

[elfyguy]

Thanks all, I read and appreciate all of your replies. After talking to my therapist about it I got in touch with my anger. I felt/feel like going over there and beating the ___ out of this new guy and anyone that gets in my way. I'm pissed the F off and letting myself feel this anger!

Going to gym to punch the punching bag

[amunt]

elfyguy you remind myself bro
anger is good, it free you and pump you up