What I learned about relationships

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I remember growing up with my family. How my mother was always blaming my dad for all the problems. Eventually I started to think, then do something different?

I could never understand why two people would stay together when they both found little reason too, with all the demonstration of anger, blame and resentment.

Yesterday I thought, maybe I pick sick people to be with and do this exact same thing? After all, this was the normal and all I knew.

How can I change my life or ever be happy when I'm tied down with a miserable sick person?

It's all thier fault, not mine.

Anyone else relate?

[JerryRG]

I remember growing up with my family. How my mother was always blaming my dad for all the problems. Eventually I started to think, then do something different?

I could never understand why two people would stay together when they both found little reason too, with all the demonstration of anger, blame and resentment.

Yesterday I thought, maybe I pick sick people to be with and do this exact same thing? After all, this was the normal and all I knew.

How can I change my life or ever be happy when I'm tied down with a miserable sick person?

It's all thier fault, not mine.

Anyone else relate?

[FallBack!Monster]

I remember growing up with my family. How my mother was always blaming my dad for all the problems. Eventually I started to think, then do something different?

I could never understand why two people would stay together when they both found little reason too, with all the demonstration of anger, blame and resentment.

Yesterday I thought, maybe I pick sick people to be with and do this exact same thing? After all, this was the normal and all I knew.

How can I change my life or ever be happy when I'm tied down with a miserable sick person?

It's all thier fault, not mine.

Anyone else relate?

In my 40s and have not learned much about r/s. Except looking in from the outside, one always gets hurt.  The other thing is, I truly love unconditionally. Even if I don't put up with it.
Jerry, your story is clearly understood. I can't compare my style of loving to my childhood experiences although it wasn't perfect. I don't do anything I've seen. I'm in my own world, doing my own thing. Don't necessarily pay much attention to  societal rules.
I was happy with my ex. My ex became unhappy with me and happy about somebody else.  Must admit, I don't know diddly-squat about r/s. Just know when I'm smiling it feels better than not.

[Mutt]

Hi Jerry,

I could never understand why two people would stay together when they both found little reason too, with all the demonstration of anger, blame and resentment.

What feelings can we conjure when we think about being in a r/s that we know, something that we're familiar regardless if it's bad? It's a scary proposition to try to find someone new or there's the possibility that we're not going to find someone right away.

What I learned about r/s, is that r/s's give you a realistic picture about yourself, listening, watching and reading between the lines, you start to understand how you react, how you look, etc... .I think that you have to have some self awareness or awareness and set your ego to the side, it can be hard to hear something that is less desirable about yourself, but these are areas that you improve on.

I also learned the importance of other r/s's and I think that we set too much importance on romantic ones, it's good to have r/s with yourself, do some self work, do a lot of self care and become to understand who you are. A goal that I had set for myself was that I wanted to get into another romantic r/s after the split and my priorities have changed, my relationship with my kids is more important for me I just think that as a society, entertainment, media, etc we put too much value on it. That's just my two cents

[FallBack!Monster]

  A goal that I had set for myself was that I wanted to get into another romantic r/s after the split and my priorities have changed, my relationship with my kids is more important for me I just think that as a society, entertainment, media, etc we put too much value on it. That's just my two cents

Those words are worth more than $0.02, I'll tell you that.
Get to now you and how wonderful you really are. Been known why people are drawn to me. Healthy r/s with kids is superior to anything. The media over exaggerates everything. It's called entertainment. Not real life.

My ex once told me, the way to get over an ex is to get a replacement. I took it as a joke until I started BPD research. Never in a million years would I ever take something as previous as loving and immediately try to duplicate it with somebody else. Never done the back to back neither.  No need to.  I'm enough for me most of the time. Jumping into feelings with a new person. one of the biggest lies you'll tell your self and the new somebody. Don't know if I ever be good at r/s but I know how to love.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Jerry - you are way beyond most because you can recognize the disconnect from your childhood. Perhaps you can keep a list of red flags that tend to attract you to sick people so that you can recognize it better? Perhaps an additional list for the things you DO want so that you will know it when you see it? Maybe too basic. I like writing things down.

I have learned that for whatever reason, my relationship-picker (not to be confused with pecker) is broken.

I've also learned that in my opinion, my relationships usually end up with me being hurt and disappointed.

I've learned that for the most part, most significant others can't be counted on to be there for you when you need help, are selfish, lie where the truth would fit or are just plain crazy.

I have plenty of work to do that is for sure. Sorry for the bummer and being pessimistic. I'm in a place where I feel most people are inherently bad.

Here's a sample:

-6 year relationship - ended when I was going through panic attacks from a horrible job - SO cheated on me with an ex on Facebook and told me that she did it because for 60 days, I was not available for her. The guy's wife who she cheated with sent me the the nice pictures they had been sending back and fourth.
-3-month BPD relationship with my first GF (we re-connected after many years) - was an undiagnosed BPD who lied about having severe medical conditions and being hospitalized. Lied about virtually everything.
-6-month relationship with someone from eHarmony - ended after getting hit in the face Tuesday morning.