What Are We Suffering For?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm been 2 mos no contact after getting drunk twice unfortunately and sending her mean emails. She had her adult children contact me and tell me to leave her alone or they would call the cops next time. I have so much guilt about this! This after She committed to working out our 2 year relationship and sent warm messages and then they turned very cold. She came over and stayed and we had sex and the next morning she said done forever. I freaked out and sent hindreds of texts that day. A few days later she is seeing someone else and I have been a train wreck. Hardest time of my life and no one has ever treated me so poorly. I know she is idolizwow the new toy and it's just killing me how she cut me out and made me the monster as well and her the innocent victim.



I just don't understand the depth of my mourning for someone who isn't even a decent person. why is this so hard?

[Duped 1]

I'm been 2 mos no contact after getting drunk twice unfortunately and sending her mean emails. She had her adult children contact me and tell me to leave her alone or they would call the cops next time. I have so much guilt about this! This after She committed to working out our 2 year relationship and sent warm messages and then they turned very cold. She came over and stayed and we had sex and the next morning she said done forever. I freaked out and sent hindreds of texts that day. A few days later she is seeing someone else and I have been a train wreck. Hardest time of my life and no one has ever treated me so poorly. I know she is idolizwow the new toy and it's just killing me how she cut me out and made me the monster as well and her the innocent victim.



I just don't understand the depth of my mourning for someone who isn't even a decent person. why is this so hard?

[Mutt]

Hi Duped1,



I know it's tough. I agree with you that there's a lot of questions after a break-up like this and sometimes the same questions resurface several times. It helps to minimize or cut off contact for self protection. She's not going to put your needs first, she's too self absorbed for that and she'll continue to hurt you.

My ex started an affair, left with him ( we had a young family ) and she approached me a few months later, she said she wanted to become friends, i knew better than that because I'm an end to a means, she wanted an exit plan ( in case her bf abandoned herI) I got really angry, because again she invalidated me by not validating what she out me through, shortly after that conversatiom she got pregnant, and I think it's because she knew she couldn't come and didn't want him to leave.

My point is, you need more time behind you. I can stand to be around her today without getting triggered but it took self work, minimal contact, help from members here and time behind me.  I actually feel stronger than before the r/s it's like that for some people. How does self protection sound like to you so that you can look after yourself?