Hey Budfong,
Welcome and hello
People with BPD are often not reacting to the present situation but to something that took place earlier -- sort of a ready-reference list of beliefs about the world usually learned in childhood. That gets super confusing when you're trying to figure out why you're the target of rage over minor things.
Having a very unstable sense of self, and being vulnerable to emotional instability makes it hard for pwBPD to trust. She is also likely to interpret things self-referentially, so no matter what you're doing, she thinks about it in terms of how it relates to her, usually in a negative way.
If she says it looks like it's going to snow today, and you comment that your weather app says rain, she assumes you don't trust her ability to predict snow.
What happens when your wife turns on your D11? How do you handle those episodes?
Maybe we can look at some specific interactions and share some skills that can prevent things from getting worse.
LnL
