My head is spinning

[Cat Familiar]

This is a great distinction, Grey Kitty. Thanks for posting that!

I have tended to be one of those people who use "sorry" in a way that can easily be misinterpreted by a pwBPD.

My intention was to communicate how sorry I felt that they were experiencing something negative or unpleasant, rather than to apologize.

Jessica, I feel for you and I'm in a similar situation. My husband has been incredibly grumpy recently.

He had left a cast iron pan on the stove with the burner going to dry it and left the kitchen, and was in his studio watching sports. This has happened so many times. Fire hazards really send me into PTSD.

I walked into his studio and told him that he cannot ever again dry a pan that way.

Well, you can imagine how the rest of the evening went when we went out to dinner. Silent treatment and seething rage under the surface.

I tried to address the elephant in the room, but he took my desire to communicate as an attempt to further "punish" him.  

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[Jessica84]

Cat - I am sorry your H is also being a Mr. Grumpalump. Hard to be around that. Now... .I didn't make him that way, so I hope in no way do you think I am apologizing. 'Sorry'... .couldn't resist. 

If I didn't laugh I think I'd go insane. Or maybe I already am? Last night I had a dream - I ripped a demon out of his chest and stabbed it, repeatedly. It was like a movie - somewhere between a nightmare and a good dream. Scaring myself!

[Cat Familiar]

You got me good, Jessica! I didn't even notice the "sorry" in your reply. Pretty funny!

I laugh a lot. I look for things that are funny. My husband is not like this. There's a high bar for what he finds amusing. As if being more discerning about humor makes him superior! The way I see it, he's missing out on a lot of fun.

[Jessica84]

I think humor is a good defense mechanism. A tool maybe? I've heard some of yours and adopted them - the toddler having a tantrum, the black cloud following him around. Sometimes I imagine him as a baby bull, huffing and puffing, but he's so adorable I can't be mad. Awww how cute. I couldn't believe how well this worked in keeping my head cool during the tough moments. Like magic, it gave me a quick mental distraction, fun imagery, and restored my compassion. Things that normally would've escalated stopped dead in their tracks - which showed me that I was contributing to the problem. All the times before, I was so sure everything was HIS fault.

[Jessica84]

Well he invited me over yesterday morning to try to "mend the fence". But by evening fell into depression and said he didn't feel like company. My guess is he was still too wound up.

So he called today. Of course he had to make it all weird and awkward at first - asking if I remember him. Then he asked me if I would be okay with not rehashing it, so we could move forward? WOW YES! After this weekend's text madness, I am so over it. I never intended for him to beat himself up so bad, just needed a little space for one weekend. I half-expected him to go nuts, but wow, he took it a whole new level.    He's in a MUCH better mood now. Maybe the storm had to tear the roof off before it could finally pass.