New to the site

[Boscers75]

Hello,

Found this site in the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  For many years I've been attempting to co-parent with the Mother of my Son.  We've had an enormous amount of conflict and some bright spots too.  But the bad always returns.  We are on our 4th parenting therapist.  So far to date my part alone is over $55,000 in therapist fees, attorney's fees, tutors and other specialist for our Son.  Child Protective Services has been involved twice with our family.  Once for complaints our Son made that indicated he was sexually assaulted at his Mother's house either by her, or her boyfriend, or both.  Most recently our Son reported his Mother was intoxicated when she picked him up.  This is the second time she's done that and his 4th serious complaint about her relationship with alcohol.  She has an aggressive attorney that is also a friend of hers.  The attorney has done a very good job at convincing therapist, the GAL, and others that her client is innocent of whatever the issue at the time is and I'm simply a controlling bully guy that is out to make her client's life miserable.  I've read several books on Sociopathy and thought those traits matched very well with my Ex.  I'm currently reading the book I mentioned above and it too seems to fit very well.  I've gone back to school for psychology and criminal justice on account of this situation that no one seems to understand or be able to offer any lasting solutions.  I understand Sociopathy or Antisocial Personality, Borderline Personality, Narcissistic Personality, and Histrionic Personality are all part of the same Cluster B category of abnormal psychology.  I found a counselor that understood Antisocial and was very helpful during our sessions, but has since moved on to a different position.  At this point, with the recent incident where she was drunk when she picked him up, I'm really frustrated that no one will act, hold her accountable, or protect or allow me to protect our Son.  I've been in a Church based growth and healing group since our Son made is abuse complaints.  It's been effective but they also don't have an understanding of these disorders and sometimes they don't seem to be able to rationalize what I'm telling them.  If they can't rationalize it, then it must not be happening.  They don't seem to be able to realize that you can't rationalize the behaviors of someone who is irrational.  So I believe it may be helpful to seek the perspective of those who have been through similar circumstances.  So, Hi.  Thanks for reading.  Looking forward to hearing from you all.  Thank you.

[Mutt]

Hi boschers75,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. There's a disadvantage if you're male and you're going to family court, as soon as I walked through the, court house doors I was a step down every step of the way and had to fight. If you have an ex parter with a PD the difficulty curve is insane and you feel alone.

They don't seem to be able to realize that you can't rationalize the behaviors of someone who is irrational.

Well said and I can relate with that. I told my sister that I think my ex wife has BPD and she said "How's that possible? Is she diagnosed?"

This support group has been a life saver for me and my family. I can come here any time of the day, sometimes I have to deal with BPD things in the real world and we all talk the same language and understand each other.

When my ex left me for her affair partner, I started researching about parenting after the separation. My ex had a D in a prior r/s and a I saw the conflict and inflexibility with her old partner and her D suffered because of mom's attachment and resentment with her old partner. I wanted none of that he'll he went through and I found parallel parenting which cuts her off at the knees with unnecessary drama. I'm not advocating parallel parenting to you, i'm just sharing my experiences and from my experiences I found court to have cookie cutter solutions when everyone in life has their own situations that are unique to them, it's not one size fits all.

I'm sure that there are other members here that can relate with child protective services and therapists. You're not alone. The lessons are on the right side of the board. I'm glad that you decided to join us, welcome to the family.