I had a short relationship with a woman who told me she has BPD. She told me in the context of her belief that I have BPD as well. My psych and therapist have said I don't, but I have MDD and can relate to several characteristics of BPD, and my expwBPD's projections were compelling, because I feel there is an element of truth to what she saw. But she kept projecting: "I know that look. I've made that look before," saying I am like she used to be in past relationships, needing affection.
Anyhow, she had been in individual DBT for a little while, maybe several months to a year--not totally sure. It seemed really helpful for her! But there were times I felt the skills and articles she had learned she used to justify avoidant/distancing behavior.
For instance, she started to resent me doing little things for her, which I respect if that makes someone uncomfortable, but she sent me an article about Helping vs Serving and implied that my behavior was belittling and controlling. I get what she means--it feels that way to her. It's tough, because I respect the Buddhist-inspired beliefs at the core of DBT, and I have found DBT to be a huge help myself, but I wondered if part of what was happening is she should still be in therapy now to really work things through? Is there a ballpark average time that is recommended for the therapy process? Is it common for someone who has started healing their BPD to push away people who show any sort of dependency?
No judgement here
, I know I am probably in therapy for life myself! But I find it helpful to have, and I realize I need to work on myself, not her, but I am wondering what the process is like.
