Living in a BPD world

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi there,

I visited other support websites, but just got victim blamed there, so I really hope that you guys are about support.

My situation is not that easy to describe in a few words, but I'll try. I am a psychotherapy student, and I always suspected that my parents are somewhat crazy. Now, I studied BPD in university and I am sure that my parents had (and still have) BPD.

Since I grew up with my kind of parents I was drawn to someone with BPD already in school (I just got his way of thinking - now I know why). We have been on and off for over 15 years now. I never understood what went wrong, and that somehow kept me from really leaving. Since the beginning of this year we are talking again. He finally started antidepressant medication, which put him into a position to really talk to me (about his feelings and his take on reality) for the first time since we know each other. We discovered that everything that went wrong in our relationship is, in fact, BPD. He accepts the diagnosis, and tries to get help (which is difficult because he trusts no one). He is primarily working with self-help literature for BPD. We are not together at the moment. (I am in a relationship with someone else.) But I am, of course, emotionally involved, which makes it really hard when he has one of his "episodes", that usually last for a few days, but have become less severe over the past year. (So, there's some progress.)

I have two more friends who show BPD traits (we are currently not talking), and my best friend is in therapy for PTSD (she was kidnapped as a little child). All of my friends are not easy to deal with at times, but they are people I grew up with. None of us had any family to lean on, so we primarily relied on each other growing up. I will never be able to rely on my family - my friends who have BPD traits at least t r y to cope with the illness (whereas my parents have no understanding of their disorder at all).
So, this is not an environment I can easily leave behind.

Sometimes it seems like I am living in a predominantly BPD world, with no "normal" people to talk to.

I guess, it would be great to talk to someone about BPD (who doesn't have it), someone who understands and might have had similar experiences.
Is there anybody here who also grew up in / still lives in a primarily BPD world?

For those of you who would like to talk: I would prefer PM (since there's a chance my BPD friend might stumble upon this post).

I'm looking forward to get to know you.

[solipsisyphos]

Hi there,

I visited other support websites, but just got victim blamed there, so I really hope that you guys are about support.

My situation is not that easy to describe in a few words, but I'll try. I am a psychotherapy student, and I always suspected that my parents are somewhat crazy. Now, I studied BPD in university and I am sure that my parents had (and still have) BPD.

Since I grew up with my kind of parents I was drawn to someone with BPD already in school (I just got his way of thinking - now I know why). We have been on and off for over 15 years now. I never understood what went wrong, and that somehow kept me from really leaving. Since the beginning of this year we are talking again. He finally started antidepressant medication, which put him into a position to really talk to me (about his feelings and his take on reality) for the first time since we know each other. We discovered that everything that went wrong in our relationship is, in fact, BPD. He accepts the diagnosis, and tries to get help (which is difficult because he trusts no one). He is primarily working with self-help literature for BPD. We are not together at the moment. (I am in a relationship with someone else.) But I am, of course, emotionally involved, which makes it really hard when he has one of his "episodes", that usually last for a few days, but have become less severe over the past year. (So, there's some progress.)

I have two more friends who show BPD traits (we are currently not talking), and my best friend is in therapy for PTSD (she was kidnapped as a little child). All of my friends are not easy to deal with at times, but they are people I grew up with. None of us had any family to lean on, so we primarily relied on each other growing up. I will never be able to rely on my family - my friends who have BPD traits at least t r y to cope with the illness (whereas my parents have no understanding of their disorder at all).
So, this is not an environment I can easily leave behind.

Sometimes it seems like I am living in a predominantly BPD world, with no "normal" people to talk to.

I guess, it would be great to talk to someone about BPD (who doesn't have it), someone who understands and might have had similar experiences.
Is there anybody here who also grew up in / still lives in a primarily BPD world?

For those of you who would like to talk: I would prefer PM (since there's a chance my BPD friend might stumble upon this post).

I'm looking forward to get to know you.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Solipsisyphos:

For those of you who would like to talk: I would prefer PM (since there's a chance my BPD friend might stumble upon this post). 

Although members might PM each other in certain situations, this website's focus is on interaction on the boards.  That promotes the best learning experience and value for everyone.  This is a safe place to share.  So many of the situations are so similar, some members comment that a given post could have been theirs. 

Hopefully you are using an alias that isn't familiar to someone you know.  If that is the case, we can adjust your alias.  It is possible to share you story (s), while leaving some unique unnecessary details out.  This is a safe place to share.

I always suspected that my parents are somewhat crazy. Now, I studied BPD in university and I am sure that my parents had (and still have) BPD. 

I moved your post to the Coping Healing Board.  Whether members with BPD parents start here, or end up here, they find that at some point, they need to be here.

When you feel like sharing about your parents, we are here to listen.  It should be beneficial for you to process your feelings about your parents, and share it in an environment with people who can understand and relate to your experiences.

Sometime, people discuss platonic friendships here.  Sometimes, people post on the Relationship boards. (i.e. Improving a Relationship With a Borderline Partner)

We look forward to hearing more from you when you are ready.

[P.F.Change]

  Welcome!

Thanks for telling us a little bit about your situation. I think you're right that a lot of us whose parents have BPD tend to end up in friendships and romantic relationships with other people who have the disorder. I know I had several friendships with poor boundaries, as I tended to take on other people's problems. Therapy was very helpful to me. I had a lot to learn in terms of co-dependency and developing security in my sense of self. Are there any issues in your own life that you'd like to talk about or work on? We're definitely here to support you as you process the events in your life and work towards awareness. And as NaughtyNibbler said, it's a safe place to share anonymously. We hope to hear more from you on the board.

Wishing you peace,

PF