FallenOne
Formerly Matt.S
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 321
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« on: December 27, 2016, 11:01:41 AM » |
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Hello all,
I will try to sum this up. Our relationship began in Oct of 2012. Knew the girl and the family for quite some time before it. Didn't know there was a history of mental illness and abuse within the family until after we started dating. She claims she was sexually abused by her brother, her mom left at a young age, and a lot of neglect. She's in therapy and on a lot of meds. She's diagnosed BPD with bipolar and PTSD. She also seems to have some narcissist traits...
The honeymoon phase was fast and intense. After this I started noticing changes in her personality and angry mood swings where she would become very irritable.
She always needed help with something. Very needy. Always in a bad situation. Always chaos in her life.
I never knew about the childhood abuse and her mental health issues until a few months into dating. Had no idea what the symptoms were or how to deal with them. Never dealt with this sort of thing before.
After the first 6 months the rest of the relationship was a rollercoaster. Within three years we broke up multiple times (sometimes she initiated it, other times I did). Any time we broke up it was over a huge misunderstanding involving small issues that she escalated.
We lived together for a year from March of 2015 through March of 2016. Living with her was frustrating as she didn't work and got SSI, she was always around, no motivation, just stayed in most of the time and watched TV, and sometimes wouldn't help me with anything. We would fight a lot on and off with calm periods and then when something did happen it always escalated out of control.
She talked to ex's, made friends with strangers for no reason, invited people over behind my back while I was working, went to parties without wanting me to come along, cut herself, overdosed on her meds, etc...
She's always the victim... Blamed me for everything that happened and rarely said she was sorry for anything that she did. I was completely supportive of her most of the time. Took care of her, let her use my car, gave her rides, bought her food, cigarettes, did favors, ran errands, cooked for her, etc.
When our lease ended in March, she was in inpatient mental health and after everything that had happened I decided to break it off with her so I showed up at the hospital and did it in person.
She started dating some girl when she got out and tried to contact me a few times but I didn't give in. In July I began to miss her a lot so I sent her a text message saying I missed her and was interested in talking. She responded right away and agreed. She broke up with the girl she was seeing and we started dating again within a few days.
Ever since then, she has broken up with me three times since July. It starts out great, then within a few weeks to a month, any time we would argue about something or I would slip up and make a mistake, she would leave me. No good reasons why. Never in person always through text. Blocked me out and just left. Very dishonest with me about her feelings and thoughts. Anytime I would ask, just "I'm okay" "things are fine"... Continued doing things for her and being her caretaker basically... I was very supportive and tried hard to understand but her moods and behavior are confusing and contradictory.
So, since July, any time I make a mistake she leaves me and goes back to this female she was seeing after she got out of the hospital. And then when this girl does something to piss her off, she contacts me and wants to talk.
This most recent time (on December 10th), she was in inpatient mental health for 6 days (released on the 15th). I visited her every day, we talked about moving in together again, I gave her a key to my place, took things to her, did favors. I was the only person who did this or visited her. A few days after she got out, she broke up with me again. Just after she got out of the hospital, she seemed okay. She seemed a bit extra fragile and sensitive (got angry over a few minor things right after getting out) but overall okay. The day before she broke up with me, I was in a cranky mood and I made a comment "it would be nice if we could have sex more often" since I had been sexually frustrated due to lack of intimacy with her... She went off the deep end from this comment, cried, and escalated it throughout the day. I apologized for the comment and tried to stop fighting and de-escalate the situation but she wouldn't let it go... After a while it didn't even seem to bother her anymore, she even came back and spent the night and we hung out, but by the following evening, she stopped responding to me. I tried to reason with her through texting (tried calling or convincing her to talk in person but it didn't work). The following day I tried talking to her again... I had a feeling that she would try to go over to my place to get her stuff while I was at work, but I left early and confronted her there. Sure enough she showed up there in a friends car just when I predicted she would. All she said was "I'm just here to get my stuff". I asked if we could talk for a few minutes and she said sure. When we got inside she wouldn't listen to me, reason with me, or even look me in the eye or sit down and talk. Was very angry. Said she "needs to focus on her mental health and maybe we can be together later". I asked her if she still loved me and all she said was "Not in that way". Just started packing her stuff and said good riddance. Said I ruined her life and that I'm abusive. Said that my intentions are fake and that I'm only helping her to be selfish... ?(what the heck?)... After all the things that I've done with her and for her this is the treatment I get. A few hours later I sent a few nasty text messages (because I was hurt and rightly so) and the same girl she has gone back to multiple times now (and left multiple times) showed up at my front door and was being confrontational, so I was forced to call the police on all of them... Haven't spoken since...
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What happened here? Was this all premeditated? Was this planned? Did my stupid sex complaint really send her over the edge THAT much? Is there any fixing this situation? Should I even bother trying at this point?
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