Cannot stand my ex GF pwBPD's family. I want to nail them with the truth.

[shouldi]

I want to make a long story short. I will try. My ex GF is diagnosed as bipolar and adhd. But she is obviously BPD. She is a former stripper. Molested a child. Bisexual, etc. Her grandfather used to molest his daughters (her aunts). Her grandfather on her mother's side was a cheater and constantly cheated on her grandmother. So her mother, I think has issues. Her mom, dad, her, and her sister all go to the same therapist, and her sister had a eating disorder. Obviously, not a family with their heads screwed on straight.
 
We had an agreement that I wouldn't meet her mother till the end of July. I had to pick my BPD ex up from the airport. She then said I had to give her mom a ride, and I said, I thought you agreed I didn't have to meet them till next the end of next month, then she cursed at me on the phone, and I simply hung up on her cause I felt disrespected. I ended up picking her up from the airport, but her mother got her own ride to the parking lot where her car was.
 
After that, the mother told her to dump me. She did dump me. I fixed it by having flowers delivered to her mom, and meeting them on 4th of July. Even though my ex created this whole situation.
 
Keep in mind, my ex broke up with me like every 3 weeks over stupid ___. She would ALWAYS start dumb arguments, usually over the phone. She constantly gaslighted me, constant criticism, putting me down, made up things, and would pretend she never said things she clearly said. I read they usually start these fights over the phone because of the anxiety of their SO being away and them not being able to self soothe due to object constancy issues.
 
Later on in August, she started a fight with me on the phone saying that her Dog must sleep on my bed. I said no way. She can bring her dog and sleep on a dog bed on the floor, but no way would it sleep on my bed. It is my bed and my apartment, my rules.
 
Because of that, she broke up with me. Then the next day she sent 10 emails wanting to get back together, and I took her back.
 
We reached a resolution that I would get my own puppy for her dog to sleep with (I wanted a dog but was not ready for it at the time) so that her dog would feel "comfortable."
 
A day before I went to pick up the puppy, her sister was in town. Her sister talked badly about me. She said I only see her once a week, what kind of relationship is that, bla bla bla. Why are you with him... .blablala. My ex BPD gf is majoring in engineering, so I wanted to give her space so that her grades would not suffer. If I had seen her more often, her grades would have really suffered. Then her sister and mother told her that I was trying to manipulate her into staying with my BECAUSE OF THE DOG. They had no idea about our agreement.
 
So the day we were suppose to pick up the dog, she was late. I told her she was late and that I would go pick up the dog myself and that she could come later to my place. She got mad and broke up with me over that. Eventually she ended up coming, and helped me with the puppy.
 
The puppy was a lot of work, and I asked if I could have some help and let her watch the puppy for a night. She agreed. The mother ended up telling her it was a DICK move for me to bring the puppy to her place since she had homework (even though I had no clue she had heavy homework that day, she didn't tell me. She was excited about the puppy). Then she called me up and told me I was being a dick bringing the puppy.
 
Next day I call her and tell her you know the puppy is a lot of work, and I'm not sure if I can manage it. Then she said if I even think about rehoming the puppy, she would break up with me. I said fine, let's break up. I told her it was ridiculous and that she was being so selfish. Then she said, I was a HUGE turd in the relationship. And she said this:
 
She then said she knew she was selfish, and she told me that I knew she was a snake before I dated her, so I should not be surprised.
 
Anyway, I picked up my puppy. That was the end of it. She contacted me a week later, asked how the puppy was doing. And I was like, remember you called yourself a snake? SHE DENIED EVER SAYING IT.
 
So in december, after reading BPD material and how to manage BPD relationships, I figured maybe with these new techniques, I could have a functional relationship with her. I reached out to her. She told me she had ZERO feelings for me, and to leave her alone, only 2 months after breaking up. Then I got a text from her father saying if I ever contacted his daughter again, he would get a restraining order on me.
 
I basically told the father to f*ck off and that I was done with his lying, manipulative daughter.
 
I really just want to tell them the truth of everything but I figure it wouldn't matter. But I am just so mad, them thinking their daughter is this sweet angel, and I am this bad evil man that treated their daughter poorly.

[ArleighBurke]

Sorry for what you've been through.

But just walk away. There is no point "explaining". IF, and it's a REALLY BIG "IF", they want to talk to you about it, or it comes up through mutual friends at some point then MAYBE you can talk. But even then, explaining "she's flakey and has BPD" won't go over very well at all. Much better would be to simply say "I'm sorry it didn't work out with her - we were just different."

You have much more of your life to live. Learn and move on.

[valet]

I agree with Arleigh.

The whole dynamic you've presented here sounds like something out of a bad sitcom where no one wins and everyone gets hurt. I don't think there's any shame in saying what you want to say to them about her, but know what you'd be getting yourself further into if you do decide to go that route. And more importantly, realize that the choice is yours to make and will be determined by how you see yourself in this world.

[Pretty Woman]

First off, I am very sorry for what you had to deal with  

From personal experience... .

"Birds of a Feather Flock Together". I am sure you've heard that statement before. In this case, it rings true.

You can say WHATEVER you want to these people and they will ALWAYS. ALWAYS support their daughter and protect her.

You have to remember, they are used to her being this way. Being a part of her environment in her formative years they have often enabled and even perpetuated her poor behavior. You telling them she's crazy is like telling them they are crazy (which they likely are). It will do you no good.

Take the threats seriously. Once they have uttered "restraining order" all bets are off and you will read countless stories of people in your situation (on these boards) who are actively fighting or have been financially/professionally/personally ruined by these restraining orders).

It hurts like hell when someone slanders you and your reputation but you owe NO ONE an explanation. You know you are not the person she has painted you to be and that truly is all that matters.

In many situations these people (the family members) don't really care about you one way or another. It sounds cold but there is a lot of truth there. They have gotten accustomed to her irratic/volitile relationship patterns. They are happy when she is happy and unhappy when she is not. It's very symbiotic in a twisted way. They pacify her so they don't have to be on the receiving end of her "shyt storm" which I can guarantee they have been at times.

You need to depersonalize it. Lick your wounds and grow from this. You have the potential of finding a healthy partner and leading a chaos, BPD-Free life.

She does not.

PW
 

[In a bad way]

   I really just want to tell them the truth of everything but I figure it wouldn't matter. But I am just so mad, them thinking their daughter is this sweet angel, and I am this bad evil man that treated their daughter poorly.                             

I know how you feel.
I confided in her family asking for help with her, at first they supported me I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
They promised me help, said they had seen it before and that was how she had always been. The tied changed, they ended up hating me and now I hate them.
My ex told me to record her when she went off on one so she could listen when back to herself but she never wanted to listen to the recordings.
I want to send them all a copy so they can hear how she called them all every name under the sun, but to them I'm the bad man even though somewhere in their numb skulls they know I'm not.
If I do one of them will phone the police, they love that it hurts me so it makes them feel better.
I know more than enough to know that the whole family is dysfunctional, they all change their minds faster than I could keep up with.

[shouldi]

Thank you guys for your responses.


And pretty woman, you are most likely right. It is doubtful the apple falls far from the tree.

[shouldi]

I know how you feel.
I confided in her family asking for help with her, at first they supported me I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
They promised me help, said they had seen it before and that was how she had always been. The tied changed, they ended up hating me and now I hate them.
My ex told me to record her when she went off on one so she could listen when back to herself but she never wanted to listen to the recordings.
I want to send them all a copy so they can hear how she called them all every name under the sun, but to them I'm the bad man even though somewhere in their numb skulls they know I'm not.
If I do one of them will phone the police, they love that it hurts me so it makes them feel better.
I know more than enough to know that the whole family is dysfunctional, they all change their minds faster than I could keep up with.

Wow.

What is terrifying to me, and some of the stories i've read of BPDs, is that they'll file a false report of rape if they feel. Pretty scary stuff.

[Pretty Woman]

Take the RO seriously. They REALLY interpret you are threatening them once you are split back. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay away and try to find closure within yourself. Getting this on your record isn't worth it.

[shouldi]

Take the RO seriously. They REALLY interpret you are threatening them once you are split back. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay away and try to find closure within yourself. Getting this on your record isn't worth it.

The funny thing is my BPD ex always use to try and stick her finger in my ass, even though I would tell her to stop and that i did not like that. One time in my sleep, she stuck her finger directly inside my anal hole and I yelled at her. She then put that same finger in my face, which was disgusting. After that, I kicked her out of my apartment. Yet, somehow, I was the bad guy in it all. While I don't consider myself to have been sexually assaulted nor was I really scarred by it in any way because she's a petite woman and not a physical threat to me, I think under the law that would be considered sexual assault.