how can I protect myself from the negative emotions triggered by the BPD person

[Cindy M.]

Hello all,

I have but recently found out that there is a medical condition ( BPD disorder), that could explain my older sister's behavior.
She has always been of a more conflict nature, especially with my mother- that she accused of not loving and supporting her enough.
My sister is a medical staff living in another country for the past years.
In these past years, she got into different conflicts with her colleagues at work, leading to job loss quite frequently.
3 years ago, she even went to Court accusing her employer of mobbing (she had some reasons, but I'm sure that she also had her part of fault).
She tried to commit suicide several times and she was diagnosed with depression, but obviously in more than that (it is crystal clear that it is BPD ). She is currently taking alprazoram as medication (but the dosage she takes is for sure higher that the recommended dose- she often speak on the phone like a drunk person although she does not drink nor do drugs, so I'm assuming she's taking medicines in higher dosages ).
She never listen the family's advises, she always get into trouble and she accuses everyone else except herself of her failures.
She tries to control us and has unreasonable expectations from the family, putting the family at high pressure.
I am her sister and I love her, but since I am pregnant, I need to put myself at shelter from her highly negative and abusive behavior  that rise in me very negative emotions.
Could you please give me some advises on this?
Thank you!

ps: I'm sorry for the language but I'm not a native English speaker .

[DPN3]

I am coping with similar issues and just want to say you're not alone. My sister is BPD but the way it manifests is more subtle than yours. I say do whatever it takes to keep yourself well and safe. I don't know if you're spiritual, but you could pray for her. It's a way to help without coming into direct contact.

[Kwamina]

Welcome to  bpdfamily Cindy M.

It becomes clear from your post that you love your sister very much and are worried about what's going on with her. You are also expecting a child and it is indeed important then not to be dealing with too much stress.

You recently learned about BPD, how did that happen? Did someone tell you or did you go looking for information yourself?

Communicating with someone with BPD can be very challenging, but there are things we can do that can help. I encourage you to take a look at these communication techniques:

Validate, don't invalidate, but only validate the valid

Express your truth - S.E.T.: Support, Empathy, Truth

Assert yourself - D.E.A.R.M.A.N.: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Stay Mindful, Appear Confident and Negotiate

People with BPD often suffer from distorted thinking an perception and are often very sensitive/volatile. These structured communication techniques can potentially help you minimize the likelihood of (further) conflict with your sister, while maximizing the likelihood of getting through to her. The structure these techniques provide can also help you stay more calm yourself.

Take care, welcome to  bpdfamily and congrats on the upcoming baby!

The Board Parrot