I have been thinking a lot about my needs lately so I can better identify how to meet them.
I am reviewing Maslow's Hierarcy
www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html because I am trying to figure out what I need to address so I can move from surviving to thriving.
In looking at it, I can see that my most basic needs were not being met in my relationship with ex. I was not getting adequate rest and I did not feel safe. I was running on empty trying to keep up with 4 kids. Ex was not helping me get the rest that I needed. Since he left, I have been able to get the kids on a better schedule and I am actually able to get regular sleep. That alone has helped me to function better.
I didn't feel safe because I never knew when there was going to be a melt down from him or the kids. I didn't feel emotionally safe at all.
I think I have a grip on those things a little better. I feel much safer now because I am getting the space to think and not have him lurking in every corner wanting to know what I was doing.
I have some friends. I need to work on that more.
I am stuck at the esteem needs. I want to feel like I am accomplishing something. One of the things that I keep thinking is that I want to feel acknowledged. One of the things that led to me feeling unsafe in my home was the fact that I didn't feel acknowledged. There were times when I almost felt like a non-entity that was only here to take care of others. Ex tended to treat me that way and the kids picked up on it to a degree.
I went on a job interview the other day and it felt really good to be heard and acknowledged. I have spent years being a stay at home mom. Even though I did that, I still kept one foot in the work world by working online from home and getting a part time job outside of the house in more recent years. I have felt like none of that was acknowledged. Through all of this, I don't feel like anyone is acknowledging what I am doing and trying to do.
I know that I need to find a way to validate and acknowledge myself. I am not sure how to do this. I struggle with staying strong some days especially when people ask me why I am not doing more or why I am taking so long with some of this stuff. It is like they are not acknowledging who I am. I am not a vindictive person. I have no reason to be afraid of ex. He is out of the house now so I don't feel the need to do anything hasty. I am trying to become stronger and more level headed so that when I do go to court I can make the best decisions possible for the kids without regard to what other people say I "should" be doing.
One of the other things that has me feeling a bit unacknowledged is that it seems like I am the one that does most of the reaching out. It feels like people forget me unless I call or text them. I don't know how accurate that is. That is how I feel. Sometimes, I just want a friendly ear. There are days when I feel really lonely and just want to hear a friendly voice.
I called one of my siblings because we hadn't talked in a while and he said that he had been busy. I don't hear from my mom for a while so I call her and she will stay stuff like, "I thought about calling you but I wasn't sure what you were doing." I know that a lot of these feelings are left over from all the times that I tried to reach out to ex and he wasn't there. I know that these feelings are a hold over from the fact that if I needed ex he was busy or wasn't there. If he needs me, I am supposed to respond immediately. I just want somebody to see me and hear me and acknowledge how difficult this has been for me. I am not sure what to do with these feelings or how to get this need met.
Does anybody have any ideas or words of wisdom?