Worried about my sister

[DLLJ1080]

Hello,

I am just hoping if I can get some advice on helping my sister who shows traits of BPD.  My sister has always been selfish and never been able to keep friendships for a long period time, has not worked a real job since she had her son 23 yrs old. She is always trying to start up different companies then she would say she doesn't really like it and started something new. She was with her boyfriend for about 7 or so years, she was dependent on him and they just broke up over the summer. We were always pretty close and would talk all the time and even hang out.  She is 39 years old and over the summer she has changed drastically. I feel like her issues she has always had has instensfiied.  She graduated from college in May and received a psychology degree. She wants to be a life coach yet her life is a disaster.  She works one day a week doing bookkeeping and she was been working for this one lady for years. They are good friends now. I started seeing a change when she got a tattoo. That isn't really her style and she got it so she can be different from me. My family tends to group us together a lot. So she didn't tell me she was getting it with my two half sisters in FL who she isn't that super close to. Then my other half sister who lives close to us had a destination wedding but it was at a hall so it wasn't cheap. My sister caused so much drama all weekend. She was a drunk that was very embarrassing and crazy. She decided to dump her boyfriend why they were they at the wedding. So he lives early with his 14 yr old daughter. When talking about it she has no remorse. Doesn't think she was that drunk and blames my dad for yelling at her and calling her selfish when she was drunk and acting crazy. She had no ride home from the wedding. My grandfather had to drive 5 hours out of his way to drop her off. So when she gets back her now ex boyfriend is looking for a place to live and she gets mad that he found one without telling her first. Now she is living in a house that she rents from her employer that she does bookkeeping for. It is so expensive and can't afford it. Her ex mother in law is giving her money left and right because she's worried about the kids and doesn't my sister to get mad and cut her off from her grandkids. My dad gave her money to stay in for a month. She is now also doing websites to make up for some money but it's still not enough but she thinks she's ok. She is delusional. Her rent is 2900 plus. She seems just so happy like overly happy for someone who is struggling. She just got her nose pierced. It seems like she spends money but then is trying to borrow for car repairs, rent, her kids activities. And she is saying how independent she is. She has isolated herself from her family for the most part. She is ending other friendships for even more silly things than she used to. She seems to be pointing out all problems about everyone that she was close to, like her ex husband. They aren't officially divorced. The kids are upset with their father and my sister thinks it's ok for them to take a break from seeing them. He is a hands on father. Not perfect but he does what he's supposed to. My sister says she's fine with him but then complain that he's a loser. Her car insurance is under his right now because it would be too expensive for her to get it alone. Before this drastic change my sister would be a perfectionist when she was posting on fb and when texting. We would kid around about that all time she never had errors now she has so many errors. She seems careless about a lot of things lately. So... .I have been trying to figure out what is going on with her. I have read that BPD stems from abandonment and we went through that and I'm thinking something triggered to set it off full blown. I am not a psychologist but I have been taking to my therapist about this. It has been taking a toll on me. I feel like I am the only one who really wants to do something about it and not just sit back and call her "crazy" or a "user". She is on a adderall, Zyrtec and a headache medicine. She was on Zoloft for anxiety but recently weened herself off of it.  She was so against taking pills and now she's basically a pill pusher. I was thinking that maybe it was just the adderall that's making her like this. But I noticed way too many symptoms that she has that is similar to BPD. I am so sorry for this long message and I thank you for reading it. Any advice is welcome. I just want to know where I should go from this and how to talk to her especially if she does have a mental disorder.   

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome to BPD Family:  

I'm sorry about the problems with your sister. Is she taking Adderall for ADD/ADHD?  Zyrtec is a nonprescription antihistamine, commonly used for allergies or colds/flu.  Is she seeing a therapist? Does anyone in the family, other than your sister, have a mental health disorder?

If you go to the wide green banner at the very top of the page, you will find some helpful information within the "Tools" and "Treatment/Diagnosis" menus.

The best thing you can do is set boundaries and use communication tools that can make things easier for you. You can't change her.  The only thing you have control over is the way you interact with her and react to her.

You will find that there are a lot of helpful people here. As you read lessons and articles, it can be good to post about the info. And ask questions. A lot of the skills can take practice.

[DLLJ1080]

Yes she's taking adderall for ADHD and Zyrtec is for allergies that she gets prescribed from her doctor. She does see a therapist a couple times of week.
I have an aunt and on my dads side and my biological mother i am pretty sure they have mental illness but not diagnosed. My half sister was recently diagnosed with bipolar. I just wasn't sure if there's a way or even if I should bring it up to my sister that something seems different with her especially seeing that one of the symptoms are suicidal thoughts. Thank you for replying.  I am go to read more of this site and get some more insight.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey DLLJ1080: 
I'm sorry your sister is having suicidal ideations. Has she ever made an attempt at suicide?  The info below can be helpful for you. I think you can talk to her and let her know that you are concerned. Probably best to not mention BPD, but just talk about behaviors. Has she discusses suicide with you?

The links below are something you should check out.
SUICIDE IDEATION IN OTHERS
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0;all

SAFETY
SAFETY FIRST- CLICK HERE

The links below are from a DBT website. Your sister may already be aware of some of the strategies, but it could be helpful for you to know some things to suggest to her to get her past suicidal thoughts.

Finding Alternative Thoughts
www.dbtselfhelp.com/FindingAlternativeThoughts.pdf

Improve the Moment
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

[DLLJ1080]

I might have worded my reply wrong. She isn't having suicidal thoughts that I am aware of.  From reading about BPD I know that is a symptom, so I wanted to get her help before she reached that point. i know my family is working on not enabling her anymore. So I want to talk to her before she hits rock bottom and isn't making enough money to support herself and two kids and has no help from family. She will never be homeless. My dad said she could stay with him but that is an hour away from where her kids go to school so she won't take him up on his offer instead she will just try to borrow from whoever will give her money and that is going to run out one day.

[Naughty Nibbler]

I might have worded my reply wrong. She isn't having suicidal thoughts that I am aware of.  From reading about BPD I know that is a symptom, so I wanted to get her help before she reached that point.

Good idea to look over the info on suicide anyway, especially for someone who may be heading towards rock bottom. The links to the DBT website lead to information that can be helpful to anyone.