It's my mom

[Survivor22]

Hi- new to all of this, but not new to dealing with both my parents' mental illness from a young age. Now married and in my 30's, I thought I was at a point in my life where I had accepted my moms BPD (Newly diagnosed but often mistaken for multiple addictions in her life). But my dad committed suicide almost 2 years ago and it intensified my fears of losing another parent to mental illness. I admittedly have issues with codependency, guilt, and anxiety as a result of my upbringing with two mentally unstable parents.  My therapist helped me realize that I was about 10 when I passed up my parents maturity-wise. I am known by many for overcoming it all and being resilient, but I work hard to be this stable every day. Hoping hearing others' stories will help because I'm tired of it all!

[Kwamina]

Hi Survivor22

You have been through a lot and indeed are a survivor. It is horrible and very sad that you lost your dad in such a tragic manner. You mention having a therapist. Did you also get help back then to help you mourn the loss of your father?

Having two parents who are mentally ill is very challenging for a child. You made it through, yet after experiencing this it isn't surprising that you would be affected in some way.

Could you tell us a bit more about the things you do to remain stable?

Welcome to  bpdfamily

[Survivor22]

Thanks for your reply! I started therapy about a year after dad died, and am just now getting to that "working through it" point with my therapist. I did most of my mourning last year around Christmas when I had multiple panic attacks and am so happy that I was in a different state of mind this Christmas. My mom (the one with BP) is not very expressive about his suicide. . She has anger about it, but it effects her less than me because they were divorced for several years.

My husband has been a key part of my stability- he keeps me grounded in reality and not feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I find it difficult for him to relate, though because his upbringing was so traditional and "normal". If ther was a problem it wasn't really discussed (I do realize this isn't "normal" either).

 I also cope through keeping busy with my job, being very social with friends, and through faith. My therapist suggested the book "stop walking on eggshells" which brought me to this site. After reading a lot last night I found that it help me deal with meeting my mother for lunch today. She has not been doing well lately- this time of year is always bad for her and her recent breakup (3rd time with the same guy in 5 years) hasn't helped.

[Kwamina]

Hi survivor22

I gather from your first post that your mom has been diagnosed with BPD quite recently, although she has received other diagnoses before. Is she getting any targeted treatment fot her BPD?

You mentioned your mother not doing well, how is she now?

I am glad you have the support of your therapist to help you deal with all of this and that you also feel your husband has a grounding effect on you. Thanks for answering my question about the things you do to remain stable. I think it's also very good that you are reading up on BPD as I have found that this can really help you gain a better understanding of not only your mother, but also yourself and how your mother's behavior has affected you.

Take care

The Board Parrot