It is great that you don't engage in her arguments. You have truly lived and learned. I wish I had that much control (but I'm working on it).
I very much agree with joeramabeme about self-care. Self-care is not only important, but absolutely critical for your own mental health. It took me years of therapy to radically accept that my BPD SO is never going to care for my emotional needs bc he is too consumed with his own. That leaves us to care for ourselves, but we don't have to do it alone. For me, my self-care involves making time EVERY day for what works for me to meet my emotional/psychological needs. For me, that means daily time exercising, talking to friends, reading funny articles, watching funny videos, relaxation breathing, and most importantly, having a positive self-dialogue & affirmations.
Find a self-care routine that works for you, make time daily for it, and stick to it.
I wish you the best & look fwd to reading about what you decide to do.