At the end of my parent rope..

[TearsinTexas]

I have nothing left in my parent gas tank. I am angry. I am sad. I am tired of having to walk on eggshells and being told that I am a horrible parent.How do I do this "parenting a child with bipolar and BPD" thing?? How do you make sure your child is safe while listening to her say over and over that "you're the reason I want to kill myself". She just wants to hurt me. How do you deal with your child intentionally wanting to break you??

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BPDstinks]

hi!  I am so sorry for your "troubles" (that sounds like such a weak word for "this") my daughter (pwBPD) has told me for the past 2 years, her father was the "cause", now,  I am the cause or the reason "she is like" this...I wish I had some beautiful words of wisdom, other than, hold your head high and believe you are doing the best you can, prayers for you

[Sancho]

HiTearsinTexas
It took me a long time to see that my DD was doing two things when she was doing this. The first was that she triggered my guilt. The second was that she was transferring responsibility.

So when she started on a 'you did . .' or 'you should . . ' my mind went into whirlwind motion, feelings of guilt, mind racing as to how I could reassure her, make it better, 'fix it'.

Coming here was mind blowing. I was reading that other people's children did - and often said - the same things as mine! I gradually came to understand that this 'dumping' was actually part of the complex condition that is BPD.

I read things and watched videos on this transference dumping. I have 'flipped' how I am when this is happening now. When this sort of thing is happening - and it happens often in my case - I see it as my DD needing to transfer responsibility because it is too painful for her to be able to just say 'I feel like  . .

There seems to be a very poor self image in BPD.

When my DD dumps on me now, I don't feel guilty and I don't feel responsible - most of the time! I see it as being the safe place she can unload so that she has a short time when she feels a bit better - most of the time!

What it looks and feels like to you is that she is piling guilt and responsibility onto you - to the point where she wants to see you break.

What it actually is, I think, is that you are the 'target of blame' that a BPD person needs to be able to transfer the inner turmoil they experience.

It is mind blowing how they do this - my DD brings out her version of events etc, which are most often completely untrue. Yet she is convinced all the things she says are facts.

Please don't let BPD break you. Try to let these words fly past you, and tell yourself often that you have done everything you can possibly do to support and love your DD.