Maybe things would be for a little while, it will be same old same old. Have thought about goals? Things that you'd like to achieve after things stabilize? What would you like to do?
Mutt,
Yes it would be the same old same old. And I know deep down inside that it would go back to that. It use to take months for the cycle to repeat itself, but at the time I left the house it was daily cycle. I did go back through some of my old posts and re read some of our past experiences together. It reminded me of what it was like - the fear, intimidation, the cowering to her demands so I could try to control her rage outbursts, the sleepless nights of her wanting to fight, and the times I had to sleep in the garage or shed as I did not want to enter the house when she was angry.
Goals- Good question... .yes they are the same when I made the decision to leave. I want to parent my children the way I believe a father should, giving them a good role model, and stable home, and expressing a loving relationship not based on 'what they do' but for 'who they are'. My four oldest kids that goal is 10 - 17yrs old- I think that is a long term goal as their opinion of me has been so eroded by the awful and untruthful things that have been said about me over the last year. Plus with them seeing how I allowed my wife to talk to me while married and I would allow my my fear and weakness of my wife's rages dictate how I parent'ed. . This experience will take a lot of time for them to see me in a different way.
The 3, 6, 8 year old - they have embraced my involvement in their lives (as limited as it is right now until as the custody eval gave me 50/50 but is being disputed right now by my wife). I have played and interacted with them in a way I always wanted to as a father. It has been great.
Vortex of confustion,
Are you missing your ex or is it being in a relationship?
I feel the same way I do not miss her really but what the idea of marriage. I miss talking about the shared memories we have of the kids, of the fun times I shared with my wife. I miss the direct connection to her culture (as she is from a different country). I miss the relationship I had with her parents (which is yet to be seen what will happen). I miss having someone to share my daily life with. I miss having someone to go out to eat with. I miss the invitations to other peoples homes who are married but now feel subtly uncomfortable with just inviting a divorced person over. I miss thinking that I will not grow old with the one person. I feel the shame of not 'making it' through the ups and downs of marriage. I feel the sadness of the embarrassment I caused the children by asking for a divorce and how that impacts their lives. I miss the ability to walk with my head high into our church community as my wife has shared so many distortions and untruths about me to many of the people there. I miss feeling that my older girls do not look to me as that 'father' that they can come to with questions and emotional support.
Yes it can be overwhelming for me too
