Why is cutting him off so hard and why does it feel so mean? If anyone has any encouragement about how you were finally able to say enough, I would welcome your input.
Hi, it does indeed feel hard and mean to cut off because basically we - the non-BPD's - are eternal optimists and keep thinking that if we give our partner 'one more chance' then this will be the magic point of change and everything will be perfect from now on. I think deep down we know this isn't ever going to happen but it still doesn't stop us hoping - and hope is a very powerful thing for us humans.
In my own case - four year with a BPD partner - her outbursts got so bad they they outweighed the good times and went beyond what I was prepared to put up with in order to have these good times. I had reached the tipping point.
Realising that this was now a solidly-established cycle and script which would play over and over finally made me go no contact after her last - and worst - episode. I did it for my own sanity and well-being, hard though it was. You reach a point where you must put yourself first, no matter how much you care for a partner - and especially when that partner refuses to even accept they have a problem.
A BDP is basically wanting you to mind-read their emotions and say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time -
every time. They don't want you blowing too hot or too cold, they excel at double standards - when in their favour, naturally - and will project their own bad actions onto you, always playing the victim themselves.
We're in an impossible place - they don't know how they'll be feeling from one minute to the next so how are we ever expected to know and be ready with suitable soothing actions? At the end of the day, it's down to your own limits and how much you're prepared to put up with to keep the relationship going. There is a definite tipping point though, I have no doubt of that.
Best wishes
