Controlling behaviour

[Depression = 72% of members]

My sister tries to control me, she wants to control who I hang out with and she always tries to ruins friendships by acting rude when she doesnt approve or sometimes even trying to cause fights and then forcing me to choose, Im scared for her to meet my boyfriend of many years if she doesnt approve she will be mean and rude. Ans she will try and break us up. Have any of you dealt with this type of behaviour and what would you do?

[Waitinghope]

My sister tries to control me, she wants to control who I hang out with and she always tries to ruins friendships by acting rude when she doesnt approve or sometimes even trying to cause fights and then forcing me to choose, Im scared for her to meet my boyfriend of many years if she doesnt approve she will be mean and rude. Ans she will try and break us up. Have any of you dealt with this type of behaviour and what would you do?

[Notwendy]

My BPD mother perceived people as "being on her side" or "not her side". If she was angry at me, she'd pull people in her circle "to her side" and they'd be in a position to choose. Somehow she didn't do this with pulling me "to her side".

For me, if someone was "on her side" I decided to keep them at a polite distance.

I don't think you can control your sister's behavior. If she tries to get you to choose between her and your boyfriend, consider that this behavior- making someone choose, is not being kind or considerate to you. It's also not necessary. You can care about your sister and your boyfriend. It's not an either or situation.

I assume you have warned this boyfriend that your sister might be rude to him if they meet and expect him to not be swayed by her behavior. If your sister expects you to choose, you don't have to. You can reply that you care about her and him. It's up to her to decide what she's going to do with that response.

It's a difficult situation but who you choose to care about is not up to her.