Autism + BPD relationship

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi!
I've been meaning to log on here for a while now after learning about it from walking on eggshells but hadn't gotten around to it since now. I have educate myself an incredible amount, read BPD education like it's water, and honestly I have a pretty good handle on how to deal with and help my boyfriend through splits/meltdowns.
The big thing I'm coming for help/advice on is how to bridge the gap between autism's logical bottom up thinking(me) and BPDs emotional face value thinking (bf).
Last night my bf had another huge split. We worked through it, and they are getting less common (YIPPIE  :wee) but I realized that one of the main reasons we keep butting heads is this difference in thinking.
A lot of the times I come from the perspective of trying to understand, especially when it feels like theres a double standard for behaviour, however I know that my questions can sometimes be in direct conflict to the BPD thought process and only cause more frustration by making him feel like he's bring irrational (never my intention). My bf being the wonderful boy he is is always trying to make sure I feel heard (especially after I just got out of a very controlling relationship). It leaves me between a rock and a hard place, where asking my questions makes his frustrated just as much as not.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Be it bridging different thinking styles, communicating and phrasing in a better way, or even explaining my reasoning for abstaining from my perspective (only for the moment) where I'm not making it sound like they're a problem.
I love him so much and he has made me happier, better and more confident person so I want to make sure we can better understand each other.

[BusyBees]

Hi!
I've been meaning to log on here for a while now after learning about it from walking on eggshells but hadn't gotten around to it since now. I have educate myself an incredible amount, read BPD education like it's water, and honestly I have a pretty good handle on how to deal with and help my boyfriend through splits/meltdowns.
The big thing I'm coming for help/advice on is how to bridge the gap between autism's logical bottom up thinking(me) and BPDs emotional face value thinking (bf).
Last night my bf had another huge split. We worked through it, and they are getting less common (YIPPIE  :wee) but I realized that one of the main reasons we keep butting heads is this difference in thinking.
A lot of the times I come from the perspective of trying to understand, especially when it feels like theres a double standard for behaviour, however I know that my questions can sometimes be in direct conflict to the BPD thought process and only cause more frustration by making him feel like he's bring irrational (never my intention). My bf being the wonderful boy he is is always trying to make sure I feel heard (especially after I just got out of a very controlling relationship). It leaves me between a rock and a hard place, where asking my questions makes his frustrated just as much as not.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Be it bridging different thinking styles, communicating and phrasing in a better way, or even explaining my reasoning for abstaining from my perspective (only for the moment) where I'm not making it sound like they're a problem.
I love him so much and he has made me happier, better and more confident person so I want to make sure we can better understand each other.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CanBuild91]

Hell BusyBees,

If I'm understanding your question, are you talking about the disconnect between a person with autism and a pwBPD -- it being a very logical and practical place that a person with autism comes often comes form, and an emotional place that a pwBPD comes from? If that's the issue you're getting at, I relate to that a lot, as I'm on the spectum and my ex has BPD, and I'm curious if others relate to this. Anecdotally it seems like there's a high percentage of people on the autism spectrum in relationships with pwBPD, and I wonder why that's the case when those can be such conflicting communication styles / worldviews / ways of thinking and processing... Is it precisely because of the incompatibility that these types are drawn together, maybe trying to find what each is lacking in themselves?