So anyway the issue is that she gets so stressed and worked up on her drive that she needs 20 to 30 minutes to calm down when she get to work and when she gets home.
You know this. So use it to your advantage.
You can validate how awful traffic is and how stressful it is a bit.
And you can stay out of her way for 20~30 minutes while she calms down! (Perhaps offer something small and nice for her, like a snack or a beverage too.)
As for the other stuff... .I trust you have realized you are not required to borrow against your retirement funds... .and if you do, you will probably never see that money again... .and also that you can stop her from signing for you, electronically or otherwise.