Hi Butterfly29,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I can relate with how distressing I feel when there's chaos in the household, it can feel like you're walking on eggshells when the smallest thing gets blown way out of proportion.
Learn was much as you can about the disorder, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. A pwBPD are hyper sensitive to rejection and are constantly scanning for perceived or real rejection. A pwBPD also have low self esteem low self worth, self loath, feel more negative feelings then positive ones and are hyper critical on themselves, i'd like to think that the rigidness, negativity and criticism is also a part of their inner dialogue.
A starting point could be to stop by conflict, I pwBPD need a lot of validation, that doesn't mean that we validate everything, don't validate the invalid, also, you can feel how you feel about it, it doesn't mean that you have to like it.
Don't Be Invalidating