BPD-ex breaking NC

[marti644]

I have been NC fully for a month now and have been getting worrying signs that my ex has been stalking me.

At first she exhibited the typical triangulation behaviour and I was nothing but dirt (ie. new Non). But over the last few weeks (as I have mentioned in previous posts) there have been a series of phone calls early one morning from a suspicious number, a series of attempts to add stalker social media accounts (that look like her but at a four year old level), and a recent slew over the last week of sad, remorseful tweets on Twitter (ie. "Before you find the rainbow it needs to rain", or "drugs become addictive the moment you decide to use them to fill the gaps in your heart", or "haste makes waste" (my interpretation is that she wasn't done using me and shes upset she didn't suck me dry- scary!). This is a change from early post-relationship tweets like "If one door closes another opens - that's life). She also has been adding dozens of guys to her instagram account. She is looking for more victims for sure.

I have her social media accounts all blocked, as well as the numerous phone numbers she has called and texted me from, and have been extremely vigilant about NC. I have several stalker social media accounts of my own setup to monitor her mood, as she threatened to punch me in the face the next time she saw me because I ruined her life.

I have no intention of communicating with her and have avoided all the places we or I used to visit that I mentioned. I have even cut one mutual friend out of my life for the time being, to ensure that nothing about me gets back to her. My major problem is that she knows where I live, I am nervous she is going to vandalize my car.

I am so sick of the paranoid, delusional crap that comes with being with my BPD-ex. The hardest part for me right now is the fear that she still engenders. I am a large over 6 foot man scared of a 4 ft tiny blonde girl! What planet do I live on? Trying to laugh about it, but its still not funny. I hope some day it is.

I have two questions and would really appreciate your support:

1. Should I be concerned that she will attempt to approach me?

2. How should I act if I am confronted?

Thank you for your support.

[Grey Kitty]

Let me ask you what you are afraid of from her before I offer a suggestion. Let me start with a few possibilities:

Are you afraid she will attempt physical violence against you or your car? Never mind how much bigger and stronger you are; it is hard for you to deal with. Are you aware of any history she has of being violent, either as cold-blooded retribution, or in the heat of a conflict? (Besides the threat she made)

Are you afraid she will harm herself?

Are you afraid she will convince you to recycle somehow?

Also... .be honest with yourself--are you stalking her on social media through shadow accounts as a way to protect yourself, or so you can obsess/focus on her, or both?

[marti644]

Hi Grey,

All good points. She has a history of violence from what I have gleaned from previous situations. Vandalism, hitting ex-bfs, etc. I have seen her freak out first hand at numerous people so I know that side of it.

I am not afraid she will harm herself, not from anything I have seen. She has a prescription drug addiction which was always a worry, but I don't think there are serious overdose issues.

I can honestly say I have no interest in being recycled. Honestly this series of events was so traumatic to me I lost 20 lbs. I would never put myself through that again. Just all about picking up the pieces afterwards for me now and trying not to overthink things (yeah right).

The social media thing is funny, of course it is both. I would be lying if I wasn't looking at her accounts to see what she was doing, its only been a month of NC so there are still residual feelings (and shock at the abandonment). I need to quit it I know its unhealthy and I just want to know she won't come back into my life. It's weird. I want to see pics or insinuations that she is with someone else. It would be so relieving.

But I am mostly concerned that she will accuse me of abuse, or another twisted game to get me in trouble. She turned very vindicative at the end and threatened to make my life hell. It really shocked me, I've never had that experience before. And now that I am putting the pieces together about her ex after reading and learning about BPD, it looks like she made his life hell for months after they broke it off. I just want to avoid that as much as possible.

Perhaps this is just the residual part of the "crazy making" from the relationship. I am not sure. But talking about it makes me less anxious, which is good.

[Grey Kitty]

Yes, it helps to articulate what you are afraid of, and then see what you can or should do about it.

Vandalism of your stuff or car is a real risk... .but I really don't know that you can do anything to protect yourself besides staying away from her, or parhps a restraining order... .which might well be harder to get before it happens, but would help prevent more of it.


False or twisted accusations against you depend upon who she gives them to as to whether they can hurt you or not.

Obviously going to the police will impact you, and might impact you with your employer, or school if you are in school.

It doesn't sound like you have friends she can reach who would believe her. I'm betting your family won't either.

If you are in a small town or other close-knit community, you might have some risk there, although I'd think that her credibility would likely be dubious if she's tried it with other exes.

Think about it, but chances are it isn't much real risk... .and you can figure out strategies for damage control in case it does happen.

... .and as for shadow-online-stalking her... .you know it isn't good for you. Stop it. Just sayin'

*IF* you really feel the need to know for your safety/etc., perhaps you can ask a good friend to do it for you--watch her for you, and only tell you if there is something dangerous you really need to know about.

[GlennT]

Ideally, you could hook-up a video cam with app attached to your phone outside your home before you are stalked or vandalized. It would help to know her moves, but do not respond verbally, because they have an incredible aptitude for using only a few negative words you say, then ruining your reputation with them. Please do not show any emotion whatsoever if she approaches you suddenly, because they feed off of it. Just simply act disinterested, say you are busy, and leave the scene, or turn off the phone. If she becomes violent and assaults you, it is important to video record whatever you are able to from your phone, and ask witnesses to stay with you until the police arrives.

[marti644]

Thanks GlennT and Grey,

Appreciate your comments.

Grey you're right. The shadowing isn't a good idea. I deleted the accounts this morning. I already feel alot better. It's too unhealthy.

I've decided to just let things be and I'll prepare myself for potential situations as they come up. Nothing else to do I guess but lay low and change my movement patterns.

You all have no idea how much this forum has helped me. If I didn't have your ideas, stories, and support I would have been recycled at least twice now.

Thank you!