NC and I don't even want to contact exBPD anymore

[mar356]

Good afternoon,

I'm at the point where I don't really want to contact the uBPDex, despite her birthday coming up.  I really think an experience like this changes your life due the the greater awareness now.  Any suggestions moving forward?

[roberto516]

I for one would like to know how to get to that point . With my old ex I spent 3 weeks just off from work (job was per diem) so I just went out every day having fun with people and eventually I woke up and it "clicked". This is a little tougher considering I work in the building we used to both work in and it's where we started dating, and I still hear about the location she works at etc. Although I for one am on the right path. At around 8:30 this morning I told her I was done with contact forever, and she won't reach out to me under any circumstances anymore. If she wants me to respect her boundaries that she is not in love with me anymore then she will respect my boundaries that she won't hear from me again. I have her number blocked, blocked her email, etc. She tried to call me at work after I said that and I put it on do not disturb. She then sent me a work email telling me "answer the phone I have a question." I don't care what that question is right now. I know I'll get there. But from someone who is trying to get where you are please know you give me hope. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Remind yourself of what you are gaining by being out instead of what you might have lost. because logically, we are all gaining so much more.

[mar356]

"I for one would like to know how to get to that point . With my old ex I spent 3 weeks just off from work (job was per diem) so I just went out every day having fun with people and eventually I woke up and it "clicked". This is a little tougher considering I work in the building we used to both work in and it's where we started dating, and I still hear about the location she works at etc. Although I for one am on the right path. At around 8:30 this morning I told her I was done with contact forever, and she won't reach out to me under any circumstances anymore. If she wants me to respect her boundaries that she is not in love with me anymore then she will respect my boundaries that she won't hear from me again. I have her number blocked, blocked her email, etc. She tried to call me at work after I said that and I put it on do not disturb. She then sent me a work email telling me "answer the phone I have a question." I don't care what that question is right now. I know I'll get there. But from someone who is trying to get where you are please know you give me hope. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Remind yourself of what you are gaining by being out instead of what you might have lost. because logically, we are all gaining so much more."

Did your exBPD already move on to a new guy? Mine moved on to a guy she met 1 week after me. She said "don't make me feel bad about moving on." It felt like your heart and soul was ripped out from you. I said we can be friends and I think I was just started feeling I was just filling her need to have someone to talk to.  She was telling me how great she was taking up the gym and everything.  Then I see a picture on FB a few weeks later and she looks like she actually gain 10 pounds. I continued to feel devalued, so threw it back in her face. I guess being painted black helped in my case.
 

[roberto516]

"I for one would like to know how to get to that point . With my old ex I spent 3 weeks just off from work (job was per diem) so I just went out every day having fun with people and eventually I woke up and it "clicked". This is a little tougher considering I work in the building we used to both work in and it's where we started dating, and I still hear about the location she works at etc. Although I for one am on the right path. At around 8:30 this morning I told her I was done with contact forever, and she won't reach out to me under any circumstances anymore. If she wants me to respect her boundaries that she is not in love with me anymore then she will respect my boundaries that she won't hear from me again. I have her number blocked, blocked her email, etc. She tried to call me at work after I said that and I put it on do not disturb. She then sent me a work email telling me "answer the phone I have a question." I don't care what that question is right now. I know I'll get there. But from someone who is trying to get where you are please know you give me hope. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Remind yourself of what you are gaining by being out instead of what you might have lost. because logically, we are all gaining so much more."

Did your exBPD already move on to a new guy? Mine moved on to a guy she met 1 week after me. She said "don't make me feel bad about moving on." It felt like your heart and soul was ripped out from you. I said we can be friends and I think I was just started feeling I was just filling her need to have someone to talk to.  She was telling me how great she was taking up the gym and everything.  Then I see a picture on FB a few weeks later and she looks like she actually gain 10 pounds. I continued to feel devalued, so threw it back in her face. I guess being painted black helped in my case.
 

I don't think so. I honestly think she is in a spot where she has moved onto "yoga". She apparently goes 7 days a week. Goes to trainings every weekend for it, and teaches every weekend. All her waking hours are spent on it. But that doesn't mean anything. The fact that she moved onto me while she was still unsure with her ex shows alot. Maybe she is growing. Maybe she realizes she stinks in relationships. I feel for her though because she really detached and got out. So when yoga doesn't fill the void anymore she will probably enter into a relationship; and all her manipulations, boundary hopping will still be there. Unless her and her therapist really do some good work. Who knows. Not my call to make or think about anymore unless it's to talk about it here.

[mar356]

"I don't think so. I honestly think she is in a spot where she has moved onto "yoga". She apparently goes 7 days a week. Goes to trainings every weekend for it, and teaches every weekend. All her waking hours are spent on it. But that doesn't mean anything. The fact that she moved onto me while she was still unsure with her ex shows alot. Maybe she is growing. Maybe she realizes she stinks in relationships. I feel for her though because she really detached and got out. So when yoga doesn't fill the void anymore she will probably enter into a relationship; and all her manipulations, boundary hopping will still be there. Unless her and her therapist really do some good work. Who knows. Not my call to make or think about anymore unless it's to talk about it here."

Maybe she is doing Yoga 7 days a week all the time. That doesn't sound rational at all. Professional athletes don't even go 24/7... .

[roberto516]

"I don't think so. I honestly think she is in a spot where she has moved onto "yoga". She apparently goes 7 days a week. Goes to trainings every weekend for it, and teaches every weekend. All her waking hours are spent on it. But that doesn't mean anything. The fact that she moved onto me while she was still unsure with her ex shows alot. Maybe she is growing. Maybe she realizes she stinks in relationships. I feel for her though because she really detached and got out. So when yoga doesn't fill the void anymore she will probably enter into a relationship; and all her manipulations, boundary hopping will still be there. Unless her and her therapist really do some good work. Who knows. Not my call to make or think about anymore unless it's to talk about it here."

Maybe she is doing Yoga 7 days a week all the time. That doesn't sound rational at all. Professional athletes don't even go 24/7... .

Lol well it seems like it's go to work. Go to yoga. Go home. Take her benzo and fall asleep. Which is what she did with me anyway.  But again, why would I believe her anyway? I wouldn't know for a very long time though because of our mutual friends and former coworkers. She will definitely not risk the shame/accusations of showing the world she is in another relationship so soon. I know she has the traits and firmly believe she is to a T. But she has been going to therapy for a long time. So if her therapist suggested "Why don't you stay single for a while and work on you?" She might be doing that. But as I said, people like this will eventually  become disappointed. All it's gonna take is a fight with someone there or with a teacher and she will paint it black and go running to something else. I truly believe she has the "identity" of a "yoga person" now. Eventually she's gonna go "Well this isn't fulfilling anymore. What I really want to be is a wife! Yeah that's it!" Again, not my concern anymore. She can do as she pleases. Just don't reach out to me .