Undiagnosed partner

[Lion3]

Our couples counselor pulled me aside and had me read up on BPD, telling me my partner has these traits. The research I've done really matches what's gone on in the relationship. I suddenly have clarity. I can navigate our fights now that I understand how she thinks. Fast forward three or four weeks and my partner read a text I sent to my brother and gleaned that I think she has BPD. She stated this in shock and because the kids were present I shut down my computer and walked away. Circumstances have gotten in the way and we won't be able to discuss for a few days.  What to say to her?  I think I have to be honest. I'd rather she figured it out on her own or through the therapist. I just don't want her to explode.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Mutt]

Hi Lion3, 



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I think that you'll find many of us here that were in that situation, I told my exuBPDw that I thought that she had BPD and it didn't go very well. It made me think about putting myself in her shoes and how would it feel if someone told me that they thought I had a serious mental disorder? Would I feel offended? Would it make me feel angry?

A pwBPD will make others around them feel anxiety because of the emotional intensity, we call it walking on eggshells. What's happened has happened. Do you have an update for us?

[Lion3]

So she texted me asking if I think she has BPD and I did not want to cause a scene for her at work so I replied that gee, couldn't we all fit the diagnosis on any given day, and it's just something I've been researching.  So we are back to the couples therapist and I knowing it's a possible explanation for the volatility in the relationship and we will continue to work on one behavior at a time as they come up in therapy. 

[Mutt]

I'm glad to hear that went Ok. I just wanted to share something with you, BPD still has a stigma attached to it, it can be difficult for people to admit mental illness because they fear being stigmatized. BPD usually has an underlying clinical anxiety and depression, anxiety and depression is more acceptable in today's society, you could say that you think she may be suffering from anxiety and depression, she may go into therapy for that, at least it's a positive step.