What can I do to get him to leave me alone?

[Inneedofhelp]

I am completely worn out and am desperately ready to start a new, more healthy life. I have been separated from my spousewBPD (undiagnosed but shows most of the symptoms exactly as described) for 6 years (married for 17 with 2 children). I know I haven't been forceful with the process-mostly because his rage scares me and I kept thinking for a long time that he would too see that our marriage was not working after finding out about his repeated infidelity. As I have made moves to detach and discuss divorce it seems to fuel his anger, which I now better understand is out of fear of abandonment. Recently it has gotten too much and he threatens me into being supportive-a therapist just told me this is emotional blackmail. He tells me I am the reason for his anger-that I don't listen to him and why can't I just be kind. I know that I have bent over backwards for him through the years-so that he could be in the kids life, so he could pay his bills, but mostly so he wouldn't get angry at me. I am through being scared of his anger and want to take more steps in the direction of being free of him. I try to use validation techniques and keep my emotions under control, but it doesn't seem to help too much. I have created a monster in that he thinks of he pushes hard enough I will give him what he needs. How do I start unraveling that and detach for my own health?

[Turkish]

Separated for 6 years, but still keeping in contact due to the kids.  This is tough. If it's been separation but no divorce yet,  it sounds even tougher, a kind of limbo.

How old are the kids and what's the custody situation?