back to square one?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been very low contact since 8 months. Some short and formal texting (birthday, her asking for help about a letter). In the last message (mid February) she wrote that it was sad I was so cold with her.
It's interesting to know that she is still with my replacement (a successful rebound relationship?) and each time I want to give a slightly "warmer" response she turns cold and cuts any communication.
I'd prefer no contact but we have mutual friends and we work for the same company.
Perhaps I'm not very brave but I prefer when things fade away without argument or conflict.

The problem is she'll be back in May-June to help her old staff and it will be impossible not to meet her every day in the lobby or the corridor.
I don't know how she will behave and I'm somewhat afraid to be brought back to the first days after the B/U.

Has anyone here had the same problem to interact daily with an EX after having +/- managed to distance oneself? What's the best attitude for me?

my story: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=295707.msg12778872#msg12778872

[pgri8684]

I've been very low contact since 8 months. Some short and formal texting (birthday, her asking for help about a letter). In the last message (mid February) she wrote that it was sad I was so cold with her.
It's interesting to know that she is still with my replacement (a successful rebound relationship?) and each time I want to give a slightly "warmer" response she turns cold and cuts any communication.
I'd prefer no contact but we have mutual friends and we work for the same company.
Perhaps I'm not very brave but I prefer when things fade away without argument or conflict.

The problem is she'll be back in May-June to help her old staff and it will be impossible not to meet her every day in the lobby or the corridor.
I don't know how she will behave and I'm somewhat afraid to be brought back to the first days after the B/U.

Has anyone here had the same problem to interact daily with an EX after having +/- managed to distance oneself? What's the best attitude for me?

my story: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=295707.msg12778872#msg12778872

[JaxWest]

My first BPD worked in my office. We were both graduate assistants and literally worked within a few feet of each other. So, after our argument and relationship ending, I went into work two days later and took my seat at the spot about 3 feet away from her. That was very uncomfortable and very quiet. I tried to move my hours around a little bit, to avoid talking to her quite so much. Then, we started talking more again. Unfortunately, seeing her every day was what caused us to talk again and basically go back into the cycle again. I have no idea why I allowed myself to get back into that cycle, but it returned and I was recycled for somebody else eventually. Her behavior was very erratic again. I would go someplace with another coworker for lunch and she would interrupt and call. She would rage at me for the slightest thing, when nobody was around, but then act overly sweet when there was an audience. It is not comfortable. Luckily mine was only an for the rest of the year. I graduated and was able to leave that situation. I wish you luck with that!

I will be working with the 2nd BPD more in June. That is our time that our offices work closer together. I am hoping the arrangements and locations are different this year, because last year I was in the room right next to hers.

For me, therapy is working. I will be extremely nervous when I see her again, but my therapy is helping. I deserve better. In both cases, I let the person mistreat me, because I was in a dark time in my life with things going on with my parents and sickness. As a result, I was more forgiving, partly because I had somebody around during those difficult times. My counselor has helped me understand that this is not a solution though. You deserve better. Do not let her affect your work this summer when you are around. Just be casual with it and just act like nothing happened. I know it is difficult to do though. Focus on that... .you deserve better. Do not act differently toward her, because if you start acting differently people will notice your behavior. But, be careful.