A HUGE turn of events...yikes.

[daverisk]

In the middle of typing another post the neighbor came over... .asked me if I knew where my wife was... .told him yes.  He says "I don't think you do."  His wife came and watched the kids and he drove me over to another town about 15 minutes away... .my wife's car was there even after telling me she was back in the hospital.  He says the car has been there since Sunday... .when she said she was going back to the hospital. 

Messaged wife who said she was in the hospital... .I sent her pictures of the car... .she said she did not know who sent the pictures but they were old... .she was in the hospital... .I told her I took the pictures just 20 minutes before.  She said she had the whole day off, didn't want to stay at home because it made her cry.  Told her the friend said her car was there from Sunday... .she denies.

I told a friend of my wife and I who has been watching our children after school until I get home.  She said she had doubts if my wife was EVER in the hospital... .suggested I call.  I called... .the hospital says she has NEVER been registered there.  Sometimes night shift gets things confused.

I am going to call back tomorrow with a translator... .if it is true she has NEVER been registered there I think I found a boundary... .if she was NEVER in the hospital it will be time to lay this thing to rest.  If she was, and freaked out, and didn't go back Sunday, I can deal with that... .maybe.

At one point during the evening she offered to give me custody... .then later withdrew that offer.  Does the circus ever end?  Was I wrong to go with my friend to check on her car?

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[Mutt]

Hi daverisk,

I don't think that your friend gave you much of a choice if his wife was going to watch the kids for you? How does he know that the car has been there since Sunday? It is plausible that she got wet feet with going back to the hospital, having a mental illness can be difficult to cope with because of stigma, maybe she doesn't believe that she has mental illness because her reality is what she knows, she doesn't have another benchmark to compare it to, maybe she doesn't think that she can over come it or maybe she doesn't feel like she's ready. There are lot of reasons, we're speculating but what is certain is that a stay at the hospital can be scary, she may be worried about what people may think of her.

Feelings are quicksilver to a pwBPD, they change very rapidly, what I would suggest is give it a day or so and then you could try asking her again, give her some space if she hasn't been there since Sunday, what's another day? It will also give you time to think everything through and weigh all of your options, don't rush it.

[daverisk]

How do I know since the car was there since Sunday?  I don't, not for sure, but a mutual friend of me and the neighbor... .the one who told my neighbor... .works in this town... .knows my wife's car, and said it's been there every night when he goes home from work.  While being in this town is not 100% a deal breaker, if she wasn't in the hospital at all, it is a deal breaker.