Many posters have shared that they are psychologists/therapists/counselors which I would have thought would be an occupation where one would be immune to the manipulations of pwBPD.
A background in psychology doesn't necessarily make one immune from the manipulations of a pwBPD.
Using myself as an example, I got involved with my ex-wife even though I "knew better." I stayed in the relationship long after I should have bailed on it. I figured out that she was highly symptomatic for BPD long after I should have, but once I figured it out, I didn't waste any time seeking to terminate the relationship.
On the day that I chose to "redefine the nature of our association," my ex-wife informed me that she was over three months pregnant with our child. Instead of sticking to the plan of terminating the relationship, I married my ex-wife, instead. I made that decision because I believed that the innocent life form I helped create would be better off if he had a full-time moderating influence to disordered parenting. I knew going in that the marriage would be challenging and that it would very likely end before "death did us part."
What people/occupations are bulletproof to the siren songs of pwBPD?
It's a "people thing" more than an "occupation thing" in my opinion.
Using myself as an example, I was about 18 months out of a tenure in law enforcement when I met my ex-wife. So, I have that strong helper instinct thing going on. On top of that, I have an addictive personality. I got seriously addicted to adrenaline during my tenure in law enforcement. Sex with my ex provided the "fix" for that like nothing else. Those things are in essence forms of co-dependency.
Someone without the issues I bring to the table would arguably be inherently more immune to the "siren song" than I was.
In my defense, though, my "first date" with my ex-wife wasn't.
I was a licensed hunting and fishing guide when that "first date" happened. My ex wife manipulated it in to happening.
She was able to do that because she became friends with my sister and another woman through mutual employment at the same place doing the same work. My sister was trying to manipulate that other woman and I becoming a couple, so she brought me up frequently in conversation, engaging in "aggressive marketing". That wasn't intended for my ex-wife's benefit, but she was present for most of it.
My ex-wife used the information my sister threw out there to manipulate our "first date" in to being. Her motivation for doing this was that she wanted a "tool" she could use to either support her or help her support herself, hopefully to and through a college degree. She told my sister that she had seen the movie "A River Runs Through It" and wanted to try fly fishing, which features prominently in that film. Well, I was a fledgling fly fishing guide, at the time... . My sister did me a favor by bringing my ex-wife over to discuss the service I offered. My ex-wife booked a trip with me. That was our "first date."
After the trip concluded, my ex-wife called me and said she wanted to go fishing again. I deflected, telling her I had pretty much shown her everything I could, and referred her to other guides. She said she was thinking more in terms of a date than a business relationship. I told her that I didn't have a habit of dating clients and really didn't have time for a relationship, as I was trying to get my business going on a solid foundation. The ex wife persisted, though, and I told her to give me a couple of weeks to think it over. My sister got involved, asking me what harm there was in going out with a girl who obviously wanted to go out with me, stating "It's just a date, not matrimony." So with my sister applying a little pressure, too, I relented and agreed to go out on a date with my future ex-wife.
My education and training and professional experience wasn't a kind of crystal ball that would magically let me know that my sister's friend had already formulated a delusion of grandeur in which she would manipulate a man in to serving as her tool for a specific purpose of supporting her to and through a college degree. There's no way I could have known that at the time.
Back then, I had no reason to believe that she had lied to my sister about a desire to fly fish stemming from watching a movie. But that's what she did. She hadn't seen A River Runs Through It until long after we were married. She had no real interest in fly fishing, either. She knew I was single, that when I couldn't find a job, I had the "stones" to create one, and she knew pretty much everything there was to know about me, thanks to my sister, including that I was (and still am) a passionate fly fisher. It was all theater, with mirroring thrown in, and I don't think I could have seen it for what it was, no matter how much education in psychology I might have had.
My brother is a social worker and was involved with a pwBPD, but was immediately able to identify this individual as such and exit the relationship immediately.
I'm a teacher because I'm a helper, fixer, rescuer, just a mere mortal when it comes to machinations of pwBPD, the Medusas who change are hearts to stone.
PwBPD aren't magic. They can't lure someone who doesn't want to be lured by them. My ex-wife might have been looking for a "tool" and had me all picked out as a potential victim before I even met her, but I didn't have to be that "tool" for her. The reason it WAS me and not some other guy is almost entirely my own doing. I had plenty of reason to terminate the relationship long before I first determined that I wanted to and made a free-will decision not to do so.
At the time we met, I was a virgin. I adhered to strong faith-based convictions about pre-marital sex. I made those convictions clear to my ex-wife on our first real date. She demonstrated how much respect she had for them (and, by extension, me) by engaging in very overt sexually seductive behavior. I should have terminated the relationship within weeks of entering it, but I made the decision not to. I could have made a different decision. I had lots of those opportunities and didn't take them.
My ex-wife didn't do anything magical to cause me to be in a toxic relationship with her for 18 years of my life. That is my fault, not hers. If I had stuck to my faith-based convictions in dealing with her, my relationship with her would have ended before it really got started. I wouldn't have lost my virginity to her, addicted myself to sex with her, or spawned a child with her. Even after doing all of that, I didn't have to get married to her. I made that decision and thus I have to take full ownership of everything else that followed.
That, I am willing to do.
Making the same series of mistakes that led me to divorce from a pwBPD after an 18 year long relationship, however, is something I have no interest or willingness to repeat.
