one of the biggest mindblowers for me was realizing my ex and i were on a very different page when it came to how we were experiencing the relationship.
from our article on
surviving a breakup with someone with BPD: 2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel
If you believe that your BPD partner was experiencing the relationship in the same way that you were or that they are feeling the same way you do right now, don’t count on it. This will only serve to confuse you and make it harder to understand what is really happening. When any relationship breaks down, it’s often because the partners are on a different “page” – but much more so when your partner suffers with borderline personality disorder traits. Unknown to you, there were likely significant periods of shame, fear, disappointment, resentment, and anger rising from below the surface during the entire relationship. What you have seen lately is not new - rather it’s a culmination of feelings that have been brewing in the relationship.the fear of abandonment controls many aspects of the life of someone with BPD, as our fears sometimes do. and it is not only a fear, but a belief system.
i never intended to abandon my partner. the problem is that a person with BPD may perceive abandonment whether its intended or not. its likely that for your ex, she was experiencing a great deal of turmoil on the inside that you were not privy to, and it drove many of her actions.
as for our own abandonment fears? most of us do have them, among others, like rejection sensitivity. we struggle a great deal in our relationships and in the aftermath.
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
