So angry with myself...

[CorsaG19]

Ive spoken to a few people on here about my ex. I was all revved up for NC

It was going ok. Blocked on everything. Couldnt even ring me off a withheld number anymore. We split 2 weeks tomorrow (jesus feels well longer). Shes made excuses to see me etc etc. 5 days ago i had enough and put a complete stop to it. I could see lots of missed calls from my phone automatically rejecting them. The day she left we had a blazing row and she accused me of hacking her facebook (completely untrue... .wouldnt know where to start). Left things bad

She came to lunch at my friends last week. Just 3 of us. She was all touchy feely wanting to kiss and telling me how shes wants me. I kinda fell for it. The next day we were talking and she mentioned the girl im sure is my replacement. So i once again went back to NC. It was tough. I was in pieces. Shes the only thing i think of from the moment i wake till i go to sleep

Cue receiving an email from her at 6am yesterday morning. Just said 'Hi'  what she used to text me when we argued to make it better. I was in such a bad place i replied. And then we spoke on the phone... .for hours... .then facetime... .Then she mentioned the replacement again. How shes been speaking to her like poop so shes not talking to her anymore. Dropped in how they had slept together (shes recycled her). It hurt. But im used to it.

 Then she said she had told my best friend. MY best friend she had latched on to as she had none of her own and i had allowed because i felt bad for her. So i speak to my friend who then messages the ex to explain the only reason she didnt tell me was so i didnt get hurt and NOT because she was keeping her secret and she no longer wanted her as a friend. I tell the exBPD its completely done now and if she ever cared for me she would leave me alone. She agreed.

Later in the evening get an email. Its urgent and i need to ring her. Shes staying with her mum so thought something had happened. What was so urgent? She wanted to know if i would go to a concert with her in a couple of weeks! I told her no and to get a grip before hanging up.

Well... .today i get an email from her. Accusing me of hacking her facebook... .again... .This time she has a friend message me as well (an ex who is still in love wth her and will do anything to be recycled). The ex said shes getting the police involved. I said its funny how everytime i cut her off im accused of hacking it. All day ive had her emailing accusing me. Shes finally stopped now. She made her mum delete me on facebook... .i think thats the thing thats hurt the most!

I just cant seem to stop falling for her bull****. I will admit i love her to pieces. Ive never felt like this about anyone. Why do i let her treat me like this? And why am i sat here feeling like the bad person? Because shes told everyone ive hacked her. Im lucky that we live an hour apart and have no friends in common anymore but it hurts so bad.

She said the other day that i will never break contact because if she hung herself i would feel responsible. I told her i wouldn't anymore. Id be relieved. And thats the sad truth

[Mutt]

Hi CorsaG19,



I'd feel a lot of anxiety from what you shared. Self protection ( no contact) gives you the space and time that you need to detach and heal. The emotionally stable partner is the one that's going to have to set the boundary and defend it because our exes can't do it. Don't be hard on yourself. Get back on the horse.