Denial

[joeramabeme]

I have a daily reader that had Denial as the topic for the day.  Though the reader itself is authored for a different audience; I couldn't help but see its relevance to healing for us non's.

Living with BPD, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation, in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next.  We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest.  Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored.

Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real.  That is why sharing is such an important tool for us.  When we share with others about what is really going on, we cut through our denials and anchor ourselves in reality.  While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them, we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn.

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them.  Henry David Thoreau

[heartandwhole]

Great post, joeramabeme. Great reminder.

What were you in denial about during your relationship?

I was in denial about

• my own desire to be rescued from a life that wasn't fulfilling me
• my partner's ongoing relationship with his "ex" and his feelings for former girlfriends
• that BPD is a serious disorder
• my early childhood experiences and patterns exerting much more of an influence on my relationships than I had thought
• my relationship with pwBPD being an escapist fantasy and not remotely sustainable—a definite castle in the air
• my belief that loving enough, being perfect enough, understanding enough, and giving enough would cause pwBPD to then be stable enough to love me back

The good news is that today I am so grateful for the clear light of reality. Building foundations sounds so much more exciting and satisfying to me. 

heartandwhole

[roberto516]

• my belief that loving enough, being perfect enough, understanding enough, and giving enough would cause pwBPD to then be stable enough to love me back

This. This was what I knew I was in denial about. Thanks for the reminder.