uBPD suing me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been out of the relationship for a year.  We were never married.  Together 10 years and 3 children.  Settled custody a couple months ago. It didn't go well.  I had a free, legal aid lawyer.  Not a good lawyer at all.  His lawyer convinced the judge that my journals were made up, 49 recordings of him screaming at the children and I and calling us horrible names were fabricated because he said the same things over and over, etc.  The judge said that pictures of bruises he left on the children were OK because boys 'need it' sometimes.  Those are just the highlights.  He is blind, so I am responsible for all transportation for visitation and activities.

I had to leave everything I own behind when I left.  The police let me come back 1 time and get some of my clothes and my computers.  After a year, he dumped some of my business equipment in a heap in the yard with no advance warning and made me come get it right then or said he would burn it.  A few days later he dumped another heap and when I came back with my trailer, it was gone and the doors were locked and he wouldn't answer.

Our car is in both our names.  We bought it new and paid for it out of his account with the children's social security from his blindness.  I was a stay at home mom.  He is now suing me for the car.  Remember, he is blind and doesn't drive and I am responsible for all transportation.  My half is worth about $5000.  I do not have that kind of money.  I can't believe a person can be so cruel.  He now says I looted his home (the police were there!) and took HIS computer.  This is all so ridiculous, but real.  I don't even know where to start or what to do.  I can get the free lawyer again and might even get a different one.  I just do not know how to protect myself from him and the court again.

Thanks for any advice.

[LilMe]

I have been out of the relationship for a year.  We were never married.  Together 10 years and 3 children.  Settled custody a couple months ago. It didn't go well.  I had a free, legal aid lawyer.  Not a good lawyer at all.  His lawyer convinced the judge that my journals were made up, 49 recordings of him screaming at the children and I and calling us horrible names were fabricated because he said the same things over and over, etc.  The judge said that pictures of bruises he left on the children were OK because boys 'need it' sometimes.  Those are just the highlights.  He is blind, so I am responsible for all transportation for visitation and activities.

I had to leave everything I own behind when I left.  The police let me come back 1 time and get some of my clothes and my computers.  After a year, he dumped some of my business equipment in a heap in the yard with no advance warning and made me come get it right then or said he would burn it.  A few days later he dumped another heap and when I came back with my trailer, it was gone and the doors were locked and he wouldn't answer.

Our car is in both our names.  We bought it new and paid for it out of his account with the children's social security from his blindness.  I was a stay at home mom.  He is now suing me for the car.  Remember, he is blind and doesn't drive and I am responsible for all transportation.  My half is worth about $5000.  I do not have that kind of money.  I can't believe a person can be so cruel.  He now says I looted his home (the police were there!) and took HIS computer.  This is all so ridiculous, but real.  I don't even know where to start or what to do.  I can get the free lawyer again and might even get a different one.  I just do not know how to protect myself from him and the court again.

Thanks for any advice.

[Beacher]

Oh god, so sorry you are going through this. Was about to post my own story and then read yours, different yet the same.
You and I can only hope they find someone else to be angry with and take the focus off punishing us.
I made the horrible mistake of finally standing up for myself and losing it.  He called twice to discuss finances relating to the sale of my mothers house and began screaming at me. I hung up and this was followed by a nasty email. I have been trying to move on and distance myself from him but he wants to keep in touch and I'm sure was hurt and very angry I have not called. He was living with his mother after we divorced and she passed away. He was verbally abusive to her and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would once again become the target for his anger. He is not speaking to anyone in his family, has no friends and is very deep in debt from poor financial choices. I finally told him I knew he beat his second wife and to leave me alone. Very, very bad move. He now communicates through his high power lawyer and is threatening to take me to court to pay all his legal fees. This is a man who makes 6 figures but is trying to ruin me. Demands constant updates on the house. Demanding money. Every week is a new demand. I have a very nice low income lawyer but I'm going to have to start paying her in addition to possibly his fees. I'm scared to death but it's the only way he can lash out and feel validated. I can only hope he finds a girlfriend and shifts his focus on her.
I hope someone sees our posts and offers advice. I'm with you in this torture and pray for both of us. ❤️

[Turkish]

Refresh my memory,  but you live in a small town,  and there is something like a "good ol'e boy" dynamic going against you,  yes?

How much is he suing you for? Seems like more than small claims.  Is there a chance it might be the same judge?

[ForeverDad]

Yes, he cannot and does not use the car but you can and do, for the children as well.  All I can think now is that if it doesn't end up going your way - after all the car is also used for your children's benefit - then at least get any amount owed to be spaced out in small payments you can afford.

[LilMe]

Yes, Turkish.  I'm not sure what the judge situation will be.  I went ahead and applied for legal aid, but haven't heard back yet.  My legal aid custody lawyer came by to say hi at my work on Mother's Day so I filled her in.  We didn't really have time to talk.  There is another lawyer there who is very sharp, but I am not sure if they will let her take my case or if I will even get approved.

ForeverDad, I hope to sue him for all my belongings that he kept/destroyed.  It is as much or more than $5000.  But worst case, I will lose the car and use the money to buy another.  If I have to make payments it would be just wrong, but OK.  It is only money.  

Beacher    It deeply pains me that anyone has to go through something like this.  And to see that there are hundreds or even thousands of us here is beyond comprehension.  What a hard world it is, especially for those who are empathic and kind natured.

The last week has been crazy awful.  My landlord is now dying.  She has been ill for a while, but I was hoping to get this new lawsuit over and save some cash before I had to worry about moving.  It still might be a while before she actually passes and the property sells, but now it feels like it is looming over my head!

Before I left the children with him last week he called and said he had something to tell me.  I thought, Wow what now!  He proceeded to tell me how sexy I am and how he can't stand to be around me because he gets so turned on and would I please come take care of him (KWIM?)!  I can't even describe the feeling I felt as I listened - horror, hurt, pain - how could he say all that after the hell he has and is still putting me through?  I just hung up the phone.  I have it recorded.  I have been recording all his calls.

My youngest (2) got really sick when she was with her father.  Throwing up, dehydration, high fever.  He called me at work to tell me then took his phone off the hook and wouldn't let me know if she was OK!  He finally called when I was getting off work (after a 12 hour shift!).  She is better now, but it was an awful day.  When I picked them up he told me has has people watching me at work and in my neighborhood and reporting to him.  I have nothing to hide, but it is still a horrible feeling.  Hopefully my mom is right and he is just saying it and no one is really watching me.

I guess that is not all related to my case, but ugh, this is so hard.  I miss my home and hate being away from my children.  It has been a year, but it is not getting much easier yet.

I think today I will see if I can talk to the lawyer at the local battered women's shelter.  Since no lawyer has taken my case yet, she should be able to talk to me.  She is young and inexperienced, but I need any help I can get.