Suing my ex

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm in the process of suing issue I'm having is finding a lawyer

[statsattack]

I'm in the process of suing issue I'm having is finding a lawyer

[statsattack]

Private message me because to tell you my story is long and something that needs to be done over phone or email

Problem me n a buddy I met on here have is you can't see BPD unless you know they have it. If it's brought to attention it will force judges and cops to make a stand

[statsattack]

I am suing my x. For those who have gotten a false or exaggerated order from BPD x reach out to me on here or pm because I would love the community/ family here to take a stand against these sick people contaminating the justice system.

[statsattack]

I found out yesterday my x committed a felony

[statsattack]

I am suing my x who got a no contact order on me. I am suing her for defamation and perjury. I was hoping others would reach out to me and help me put 1 borderline in their place so we can set the tone that these nut cases are out their.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Stats,
   I know you are angry, I know you want to "give her what she deserves" but let me tell you, she's living it. Her life is hell, every day.
That will never change or get better for her.

If your ex truly has BPD it's like the emotional equivalent of walking around without a epidermis. Anything that touches you, be it a cool gentle breeze or light touch burns you and causes you immense pain.

I know personally what it's like to be falsely accused and slandered. I was called a rapist. Me, a well educated, upper middle class woman who dies extensive volunteer work and volunteers on city council boards.  I know what it's like to have your reputation smeared. Thing is this... .in the BPD's irrational thought process, in that moment they are truly scared of you, they truly feel threatened. You and I both know it's irrational but if you are BPD any attempts to rationalize feel like a sincere and very real threat to them. The overwhelming emotion and sensory overload causes them to disassociate, act out sometimes like a caged animal.

You can sue your ex but trying to make her the poster child for BPD and seek revenge against people with bonafide problems is not the answer. Holding every BPD accountable for their actions is not going to dismiss what your ex did to you or fix it. What's happened has happened and all you can do is move forward.

She broke your heart and yes she put an RO on you. Why spend your hard earned cash trying to sue her? Why give her more of your time than she is worth?If you are dying to retaliate all this is doing is fueling anger in you. This is hurting you more than it will ever hurt her. So you sue her. She has to pay you money or whatever.

Is that going to make you feel better? Think long and hard about this. I don't think the reward will be as you expected.

You are angry because you loved this person and they betrayed you. They betrayed you in the worst way. Going up against her only proves to her what she's been telling her enablers and supporters "Stats is a A-, see what I've been saying all along"? The best thing you can do is not play the game. Stay NC, let the order run out. Never talk to her again.

You have more power in this situation than you realize. Don't stoop to her level to prove your point. She will be her own undoing and you don't need to invest your hard earned money and one minute more of your precious time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

You are worth so much Stats. You have to let go of the anger. I felt like you did at one time, I understand.  

Suing her is not going to change what happened to you. It will be a temporary fix.

I want the best for you and have your best interest in mind, not your ex's. Really, really think about this. Most lawyers will just take your money and run with this not having your best interest in mind.

Tell us how you are feeling. What makes you the angriest in this moment? Let us help. 

   

[roberto516]

Pretty Woman is right, in my case. I won't tell you that you are wrong. But I couldn't take the silence and the discard. I couldn't take that she couldn't let me talk about my feelings if they were about us. And so I found out that anger was the only thing to get her to respond. It's what my mom did with my dad. So I foolishly thought that if you sacrificed in a relationship you had a right to yell when you were met with silence.

Anyway, back to the point. I always felt terrible after my anger. The guilt came. Because the anger isn't me. I said so many mean things. But it was used against me. Everytime she wanted to try again she'd say "I don't know. You said a lot of mean things to me." It self-fulfilled a prophecy for both of us.

I'm not one to talk. I really need to work on impulse control with my anger. It completely destroyed any chance at reconciliation (which a part of me is glad for). I made amends thankfully. And I feel better. But it was a pattern. Rage, apologize, rage, apologize.

You may do what you want. But I know that the rage leaves me feeling worse about myself. Because it's not who I am. I don't think it's who you are either. Anything we do in anger gives them validation for why they left, and it's a sob story for the next person.

Just my two cents. Keep sharing please. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. It's just my own personal experience.

[Pretty Woman]

Another thing to keep in mind is not everyone has the same degree of BPD. I myself have some tendencies but I am aware and working on myself. . I was raised by one and I've been surrounded by several my whole life, in influential roles does that mean I should be sued if I choose to file an order against someone?

Saying let's sue all persons with BPD is like saying let's sue all people with Cerebral Palsy.  You can't make a generalization like that. It's very discriminatory.  It's just not cookie cutter. Individuals are individuals. Some BPD's cut and run and don't act out. That doesn't make it any less painful yet does that equate to suing them? What does that do, it won't change who they are.

[statsattack]

I lost a job and around 15,000 because of my ex.

I met an amazing beautiful girl who came out of an abusive relationship. My x lied about being raped.

I wouldn't mind if not for this thing called the innocent project were over 350 people have been wrongfully convicted of crimes and freeded. It's not right that people can ruin innocent people's life's.

My life was ruined and the only justice I will ever get is money. I just want my money back so I can move else we're and forget about her

[statsattack]

I'm doing what Duke lacrosse players, Fred Goldman and wrongfully accused did

[roberto516]

I understand that. After my first BPD relationship I had spent close to 1 year taking her to doctor's appointments, physical therapy, buying her subscriptions, etc so she could win a lawsuit against work.

When she discarded me I contacted the insurance company with proof that she was lying. They had already made their decision and paid so they couldn't do anything about it. But as I am sitting her now typing this. Would it have made any difference?

I even got her to agree to pay me a couple hundred from the settlement, as she agreed, for me buying her medications and stuff during it. In hindsight none of it matters.

I don't want you feel like I"m telling you that you're wrong. You aren't. You are allowed to be angry. Especially because they "win". I hate that my recent ex is going to win. That this weekend she will be down the shore having fun, and I'll be at home miserable. I hate that I have to stay at my job because the new company opening hired her. I hate that she feels so empowered by this, and I am miserable. But any anger will lead ME to more hurt, and pain. And dwelling on it will kill me.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just know, as I said here, I can relate all too well with your situation in one way.

[Idsrvt2]

My wish is that the courts didn't make it so easy to get an order without sifting thru real evidence there was threats of physical violence.

In my state as the OP knows they give out temporary orders to everyone... .because this is done to protect those that need immediate protection.

Perm orders are only given if physical violence existed

So there was my x fifty plus firearms getting an order against me... a person that is disabled and sick... .The laws need to change... .
A man with firearms fears a female?

Even my order against him wasn't legit ... .I didn't know any of this until I met with legal aide... .

His biggest piece of evidence was I called him a loser in a text.

My atty said it didn't paint me in a good light that he asked me to stop texting and still did. But both orders were weak... .she almost didn't represent me

Imo the courts need to change... .that first meeting with the judge needs to be longer and solid evidence needs to be presented.

All I said was I fear him, he's my letter carrier , and has guns ... and he took one out in my home. She remembered my x from the day prior... .and even said he said he was no longer on your route... .a damn lie

They leave it up to the judge at the hearing to decide... .it's such a waste of court time


Also police give these BPD false info... .say get an RO... .most police are clueless... .I had a detective give me erroneous info.

I'm more mad today at the courts and law enforcement than I am my BPD... .

[Pretty Woman]

Stats,
   I understand. I lost a lot of money on my ex. I drained a huge portion of my savings and have nothing to show for it. Thing is this... .

I did it willingly. My ex did not force me to give her money and buy her things. THAT is on me. I wouldn't sue her to get back things I lost. I thought this was going to be my life partner, I was wrong but I cannot put the blame on her for being out 20k. She didn't hold a gun to my head and force my hand at the ATM.

I had a co-worker who tried to sue an ex who was not disordered. While they were dating he convinced her to make a real estate deal which turned out to be a scam. Being lovers in what was a solid union at that time, he told her he would help get her money back.

A year later she dumped him. He stopped paying her for what she lost and she ended up spray painting his house and vandalizing his car.

Ironically this is my ex friend who has ended up slandering me at work. Clearly she has a lot of issues and likely a personality disorder or two.

Anyways, technically this guy owed her didly squat. Yes, he said he would pay her back but that was when they were building a life together. He never forced her hand to sign a check. Her retaliation was out of pure spite and anger. She was holding him solely accountable for a decision SHE made.

I cannot tell you what to do. We cannot tell you what to do. If you do honestly decide to take this on, I do recommend speaking to several lawyers before taking on one that ends up using you and you lose more than double what you lost with the ex. I'd hate to see that happen, and I suspect it would make you much angrier than you are now.

Idsrvt2 brings up a great point. The system DOES need to change when it comes to restraining orders. It's a sad fact that in our current system, sexism still exists and women tend to be believed over men when it comes to false accusations being filed (when they are the ones filing them). Until the system makes changes all we can do is respect what is being asked of us by those who are filing them. If they ask to be left alone, we need to respect that and take them seriously, regardless if in the past they came back a million times before.

ALWAYS take them at word when they are in the devalue stage because in that moment they truly believe you are a threat. All talk of being "soulmates" and "the love of their life" is out the window at that point.
Game over.

Stats, you are extremely angry right now. I get that. There are days I have wished my ex would die so I would never have to run into her again (we live within a three mile radius). When I sit with those thoughts I think of how that is not me, wishing death on someone. It shows me just how hurt I am and angry.

I cannot talk to my ex to get closure, to hear it's "not all my fault" but I sure as hell can stop beating up on myself.

I can say I gave the most I could to this relationship and it failed. I was treated unfairly, bullied and manipulated, but I allowed it.

It doesn't let my ex off scot free, but it shows me what I need to work on within myself. Being angry doesn't help me get over this... .

it sets me back.

All I ask, is you please, please take some time to really think about this. If you decide to persue legal action, that is what you do. I just hate to see the outcome not be in your favor and set you back even further, or absorb more of your finances. If you can't afford to move, I would really think twice before investing money in something that has a low success rate of a winning outcome just to prove a point that will likely fall on deaf ears.

My best to you,
PW
 

[ForeverDad]

I can understand your feelings.  It's an outrage.  But we have a judicial system, not a justice system.  There are so many rules and polices that seem so arcane to us normal people.  And they can so easily be misused by people with vindictive punishment or sour grapes as their guiding light.  They're using the whistle blower concept of no repercussions to their own unfair advantage.

Another thought... .I believe you don't really want to contact her, right?  All you want is for both of you to have no contact with each other?  Can you get that order modified to include her as a reciprocal aspect?  Would you have to file your own reciprocal No Contact motion, giving her libel/slander behaviors as basis?

Unfortunately, there are millions of such people out there.  People with acting-out behaviors are said to be as much as 10% of the entire population.  Addressing problems with one or a few here and there is not enough to shift the light on the matter.  Have you visited William Eddy's site, www.HighConflictInstitute.com ?  He is a counselor, mediator, lawyer, author, lecturer to judges and other professionals, etc.  He's trying to get the court's professionals to become better educated and make rulings with insight.

[ForMySon]

In reading your post I feel your anger. I know how bad these people can hurt you. Don't play on their field though. Take this as a moment to accept that the choice you made in leaving was the correct one. The things that they are saying and doing outside of the relationship are things that they would say or do in the relationship. Is that what you want in your life? Is a costly court battle (you would probably lose money in lawyers fees just to take her to court) worth it? Be thankful that you can move on, fix yourself, and find someone who is as worthy of your time as they are of yours!