Hi cecil27,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. That has to be incredibly hard to talk to a guy that slept with your gf. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I can relate with your post.
Long story short, my ex came out with her boyfriend three weeks after she left me, there were signs of an affair that confirmed it. In Oct of 2012 she said she was leaving me, I convinced her to stay for a few months, we were family of six, married with a young family. She said that she wasn't having an affair because she told that she was leaving me.
I know that it's confusing, frustrating and maybe even insulting when you to try to get your partner to fess up, some experts say that BPD is a shame based disorder, chronic shame, feelings of self contempt self loathing and self hating. She's telling you some of these far fetched feelings to mask these powerful and destructive feelings of shame, that doesn't make it right but it helps to understand why a pwBPD behave the way that they do, there's a fundamental logic to the behaviors.
Mental illness is not excuse, a person that is mentally still has an obligation to take care and work on themselves to learn healthier habits for self maintenance. I had to look at my values and if it was something that aligned with it, is it something that I can work with, is she interested in trying to repair the r/s? We can't tell you what to do, I know that it's not easy to process this, that's why we're here to listen to you and to reflect back anything that you need help with. I hope that helps.
