Visit with Family Went Surprisingly Well

[ciaocaramia]

My mom is undiagnosed BPD and in 2010 I chose very LC with my mom, disengaging myself from the family at large, including my brothers. This nearly killed me. Over the last 7 years we've worked hard to establish boundaries and a new way of life of interacting with each other. It's been a very long, confusing, invalidating road, but I think we've ended up here. My brother finally came to visit me with his three kids. The kids talked about my mom a lot. My brother and his wife however did not attempt to really mend our relationship as he has in the past. This was the trigger I was most worried about. It was sad that there is a huge big thing that we can't talk about, but I am glad that because we didn't we were able to enjoy a peaceful time together, present in the moment. Living with not being able to resolve things with my mom or not be validated about my feelings, experience, and choices with my mom is very hard for me. But, I can be glad that we have salvaged something in the wreckage. There will come a day my mom won't be with us any longer and I will still be here (Lord willing) in relationship with my brother and his kids. That's the only reason why I think I've hung on this long. My other brother doesn't ever speak to me. Maybe some day he will come around. But who he is really isn't someone to pursue relationship anyhow, with my mom or not. I can't change people. That sucks. I wish I could. But I can be grateful for what I do have. Thanks for letting me share!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi ciaocaramia:    

I'm happy to hear you had a pleasant visit with you brother and his family.  I'm sorry for the long hard road to get there, but it sounds like a victory for you.    I hope there will be more victories in the future!