I left him almost 2 weeks ago and struggling

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 I left my BPD significant other. I left while he was away at work and Im feeling so very upset that I left the way that I did. I saw some evidence of emotional cheating on his phone and had enough. I am feeling so guilty and I know under his anger he is hurting. any thoughts would help me as I feel lost and weak. I am living with my parents for now and will move into a place for me and my son who is 8. We do not have children together. I miss my home and our pets. Thank you so much !

[nynurse]

 I left my BPD significant other. I left while he was away at work and Im feeling so very upset that I left the way that I did. I saw some evidence of emotional cheating on his phone and had enough. I am feeling so guilty and I know under his anger he is hurting. any thoughts would help me as I feel lost and weak. I am living with my parents for now and will move into a place for me and my son who is 8. We do not have children together. I miss my home and our pets. Thank you so much !

[Mutt]

Hi nynurse, 



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I can relate with how hurtful cheating is, everyone has different boundaries, I just think that it's difficult to continue if there's no trust. It sounds like he had a pattern with emotional / physical cheating? I can also understand that you want the best for your son, I have three kids with a woman that displays BPD traits, I didn't want to teach the kids that it's Ok to go back to mom after how she treated me. How long were you together? Is he diagnosed with BPD? Are you in NC? ( no contact )

[JQ]

Hi NYNurse,

First of all I want to welcome you to the group. Here you'll find NO one to judge you because we've been where you are. We are hear to support & listen to you. If you ask a question or ask for some guidance we will do our best based on our own life experiences with our respective pwBPD.  This is a journey that only you can walk ... .on your journey you will stumble and fall like all of us have on our own journeys.  But when you fall down and you feel like no one is there to help you ... .come here ... .look up ... .someone from the group will always be here to hold out a hand and pull you up. We'll dust you off and pat you on the butt to get you started on your journey again. It is then up to YOU if sit back down & do nothing. Continued down the path your currently on and see how that will continue to work out ... .or you can choose a different path to walk and see where that will lead you ... .but the group will always be here to support you 

I see from your name that you just might be a nurse ... .did you know the one thing that a lot of codependents have is that we're first responders or in a profession that helps others. Because at our core of being a codependent it's who we are ... .we have been condition from our childhood experiences to make others happy or be there for them for whatever reason. We have been condition to protect others ... .I am a recovering codependent and I spent a career in the military protecting others.

Don't feel bad about leaving the way you did ... .sometimes it's the only way because you felt overwhelmed & not knowing what else to do.  Can you give us some more details of your r/s?  In the mean time I would encourage you to read some books on BPD like "The Human Magnet Syndrome", "I hate you ... .don't leave me" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  Since you work as a nurse you know how important mental health is as much as physical health so I would also encourage you to seek out some mental health via a therapist who is well versed in BPD vs NON r/s in addition to codependency.

There is so much about BPD I would like to explain to you but it's your first post. Since you're in the medical field you know what the DSM-5 is so look up BPD ... .you'll see that it is a Very Serious Cluster B Mental Illness in the same category as these clusters of psychopathological and be­havioral symptoms reflect a pervasive brain disorder associated with abnormal neurobiology and neural circuitry that might, at times, stubbornly defy thera­peutic intervention.

MRI studies have revealed the following abnormalities in BPD:
   • hypoplasia of the hippocampus, caudate, and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex
   • variations in the CA1 region of the hippocampus and subiculum
   • smaller-than-normal orbitofrontal cortex (by 24%, compared with healthy controls) and the mid-temporal and left cingulate gyrii (by 26%)
   • larger-than-normal volume of the right inferior parietal cortex and the right parahippocampal gyrus
   • loss of gray matter in the frontal, temporal, and parietal cortices
   • an enlarged third cerebral ventricle
   • in women, reduced size of the me­dial temporal lobe and amygdala
   • in men, a decreased concentra­tion of gray matter in the anterior cingulate
   • reversal of normal right-greater-than-left asymmetry of the orbitofron­tal cortex gray matter, reflecting loss of gray matter on the right side
   • a lower concentration of gray mat­ter in the rostral/subgenual anterior cin­gulate cortex
   • a  smaller frontal lobe.

On your journey know that you're not alone ... .the group will be here for you when you need us ... .know that things do & WILL get better~! 

 

J