dissociation or compulsion

[Depression = 72% of members]

My BPDbf and I were having a discussion the other night and he said sometimes he realizes what he's doing or saying something that isn't ok and is totally wrong but can't stop himself. He said it's called compulsion so i said you feel like you  absolutely have to do these things? He said no i realize when i'm in the middle of doing them that i shouldn't be and I said ok that's called dissociation of course he argued.

I need some clarity here am i wrong?

[lostandconfused6]

My BPDbf and I were having a discussion the other night and he said sometimes he realizes what he's doing or saying something that isn't ok and is totally wrong but can't stop himself. He said it's called compulsion so i said you feel like you  absolutely have to do these things? He said no i realize when i'm in the middle of doing them that i shouldn't be and I said ok that's called dissociation of course he argued.

I need some clarity here am i wrong?

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[BowlOfPetunias]

Someone with OCD will realize that their compulsive behavior is wrong but will be unable to stop doing it, usually out of fear--even if they recognize that that fear is total irrational.  "I must put everything in neat rows of my family will be murdered."  OCD compulsions are pretty steady.  They may change over the years, but someone with OCD will repeat their compulsion on a fairly regular basis.  The closest OCD thing that I have heard of to the behavior you describe would be compulsive cursing.  There is also compulsive lying, but I don't think that is OCD related.

Dissociation is often described as an "out of body experience."  The subjects feels like they are watching a movie and that they can not control what the character in the movie--themselves--are doing.

Someone with OCD feels that they are are in a battle with the part of their brain that is telling them to perform the compulsion.  With dissociation, I believe, the person feels like they are unable to even engage in such a battle because they are disconnected from the "other person" they are watching who is doing the actions.

Another side of this is impulsive behavior, which is very BPD.  My wife has blurted out very inappropriate things and then used the excuse, "Well, I don't always think before I say things.  That's just the way I am."  [So get over it.] 

[lostandconfused6]

Someone with OCD will realize that their compulsive behavior is wrong but will be unable to stop doing it, usually out of fear--even if they recognize that that fear is total irrational.  "I must put everything in neat rows of my family will be murdered."  OCD compulsions are pretty steady.  They may change over the years, but someone with OCD will repeat their compulsion on a fairly regular basis.  The closest OCD thing that I have heard of to the behavior you describe would be compulsive cursing.  There is also compulsive lying, but I don't think that is OCD related.

Dissociation is often described as an "out of body experience."  The subjects feels like they are watching a movie and that they can not control what the character in the movie--themselves--are doing.

Someone with OCD feels that they are are in a battle with the part of their brain that is telling them to perform the compulsion.  With dissociation, I believe, the person feels like they are unable to even engage in such a battle because they are disconnected from the "other person" they are watching who is doing the actions.

Another side of this is impulsive behavior, which is very BPD.  My wife has blurted out very inappropriate things and then used the excuse, "Well, I don't always think before I say things.  That's just the way I am."  [So get over it.] 

His OCD kicks in when his schedule is messed up for example he needs to go to the store, the gym, and to the doctor if the doctor calls and changes his appointment or cancels it he becomes very angry and says "my whole day is ruined i'm going home i'm not doing anything" as where I would just take a minute rearrange things and go on about my day

as far as touching a door knob 10 times or turnign the lights off 3 times he doesn't have that kind of OCD.

To go off of what you said about the impulsive behavior, he is 100% like that he also says i dont think things through before i do them i look at what's happening right now and go with it then after i start it i'll realize it's not right but its like i just can't stop myself or he will say very mean and hurtful things to me then apologize after and say i'm sorry it was fight or flight that came out. which i know is all BPD but the dissociation is what worries me

We have had a situation with a particular girl from his past and he has done some not so great things when it comes to it and he says he doesnt think anything of it then he will realize during or after that it's wrong and expect me to forgive him. I try so hard to forgive and forget but now i'm battling  with my self to not think the worst when he doesn't answer my texts or calls for a hour or something like that it's just hard, and i know throwing it in his face everytime something happens isn't right either i feel almost hypocritical because im telling him not to let his past effect us but then i'm letting what has happened effect us and i try to jstify it by saying some of the things have happened in the last couple of months so it's not the past

this is way off subject but Can he not fully let go of this person because of something to do with BPD? i dont believe there is a romantic or intimate involvement on his part (idk what goes on in her head but i can assume) why can't he just tell her to kick rocks?

[isilme]

Being upset about a changed schedule is not really what I think is covered by OCD.  It really is about soothing anxiety/fear driven rituals to ward off danger and catastrophe.  It IS touching door knobs 3 times, entering rooms only on the left foot, etc.  I have compulsions, like to shave my legs each night and make the bed before getting in if I did not do it earlier in the day, but they result in a mild anxiety and I can override them if I must.  Obsessive compulsions cannot be overridden.

Being overly unreasonably upset about a changed schedule IS a hallmark of emotional instability from BPD, not OCD.  

Disassociation from what I have read is a disconnect from reality.  It seems to have a range, from not feeling emotion tied to the events happening, to not even remembering them.  Saying things that stem from a BPD outburst is not necessarily dissociation.  It's simply reacting to the out of control emotions inherent to BPD.

https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/definition-of-dissociation-symptoms-causes-treatments/

pwBPD react strongly to emotional triggers.  These triggers may not look like much to a "non", but they are often enough to incite a full-on meltdown for a pwBPD.  Having your plans changed triggers an emotional response to the level of "my day is ruined!".  They cannot go with the ebb and flow of life and have rigid ideas based on their emotions (usually not based on logic), and so once they have their emotions set on a course of action, if it's changed, their emotions have to catch up.  Emotions are everything.  

I can do tasks that I have little feeling for.  I drive not because I love it, nor do I hate it - it's just a necessity if I need to get places.  H can't see it like that.  He hates driving, it scares him, and that is the main focus of all his thoughts about it.  It does not matter if he needs to get somewhere.  :)ealing with his fear of driving have to be conquered first.  

I do dishes.  I don't love it, nor do I hate it.  H hates it.  So he only does it when absolutely necessary, and only the dishes he immediately needs.  His emotions dictate his actions.  

H will blurt out all manner of things in a fit of anger.  He feels his anger makes all things allowable.  he will admit to feeling bad about being mean later and enter into a shame-period, but at the time, he does not guard his tongue.  This is not dissociation.  This is simply being in a moment when his need to lash out matters more than any hurt it results in.  His emotions need a vent.  He cannot manage them on his own in a healthy way.  The teapot will boil over and I will get splashed.  Having a mild epiphany that of "hey, I'm being kinda mean," and then barreling ahead is just the fact that for a pwBPD, once the train gets going, they really have a hard time stopping it.  The pressure has built up and needs to go somewhere, and if it's not spewed at us, it gets directed inward towards toxic shame.  BPD fights feeling shame above all else, so it is easier for them to direct all bad emotions our way.

[BowlOfPetunias]

"Being upset about a changed schedule is not really what I think is covered by OCD.  It really is about soothing anxiety/fear driven rituals to ward off danger and catastrophe.  It IS touching door knobs 3 times, entering rooms only on the left foot, etc.  I have compulsions, like to shave my legs each night and make the bed before getting in if I did not do it earlier in the day, but they result in a mild anxiety and I can override them if I must.  Obsessive compulsions cannot be overridden. Being overly unreasonably upset about a changed schedule IS a hallmark of emotional instability from BPD, not OCD."

People with OCD can override compulsions, especially when they get the appropriate ERP therapy and/or medication.  The OCD does not go away--it gets managed.

OCD compulsions can take many forms, not just rituals.  People with harm OCD, for example, may avoid high places or knives because they can't stop the obsessive thoughts about hurting themselves or others.  Many people with OCD use flooding--filling their minds with songs or anything else--to try to drown out the obsessive thoughts. 

Also, changes in schedule can definitely set off OCD attacks, especially for individuals with order-based compulsions.

[isilme]

I just think the examples listed are more indicative of BPD reactions than OCD.  No one likes their day being rearranged, but to overreact with the statement "my day is ruined" is very BPD.  I do not know how OCD would deal with ti, I bet it's not easy to readjust either, but my main familiarity is BPD and my own compulsions.  H has just that exact reaction, and he is not OCD, he does get obsessed with things, but that is the BPD downward spiral thinking going on. 

I hear the phrase "OCD" used a lot to describe basic compulsions that are not obsessive, we use it as a hyperbole most of the time.  It's not "OCD " really to want your desk clean or to want coffee every morning.  But people refer to it that way since the phrase came into the public consciousness.  In a place like this where we are trying to discuss actual diagnosis and vocabulary terms, I wanted to be clear that to me the behavior does not sound like OCD... .it's just out of control, woe is me, toddler level of coping responses.  Kinda "normal run of the mill" BPD.  If there is such a thing.  maybe more elaboration would make it sound otherwise, but the coping tools for the non are most likely all the same - try to validate, try to set boundaries, try to not let the nonsense jabs hurt when it does come out. 

[lostandconfused6]

Thank you for the replies and clarification there is just so much I still don't understand and don't know how to decipher or group together. I passed this info on and he was very receptive to it.

We have made very good progress the last few weeks still a few hiccups and loose ends but i think we are moving in the right direction. fingers crossed it contiues