I can imagine the worries that come with him and that friend... It's easier said than done that one shouldn't worry until we know where he really stands in terms of that friend. What I would do to try keeping the upper hand in your situation is trying to butt in, like putting my "mark" on everything possible to guide him to you being his first selection, and not said friend, yet careful not yo overdo it. Although maybe that's what a guy would do...
It sure is a difficult situation, like my gf would quickly interpret it as jealousy if I mentioned anything. Well it sorta is. Though it's perfectly normal for our non-minds to worry, I too would be worried sick.
Maybe it's best to stand your ground and tell him straightforward (in a good moment), I mean without letting your worries shine through too much, we want to appear strong to our pwBPD of course.
Yet again it's hard to say if it wouldn't backfire. In my example, due to my insecurities, I used to mention every guy she met to check things, which in the end apparently wasn't a deal. Thanks to gf's breakup threats and mentioning she would look for another bf with every episode she got, those insecurities even came to exist, in my case. (then later if I cut on the issue she'd just go like "dummy, I'm still with you". Like first, she said I'm kinda cute if I'm jelly, but now it would trigger an episode if I even mentioned any dude... so I guess it's best to be honest, mention it once and let it go.
when he's having a bad moment "you make it a competition i don't want anything with her it was what it was and she understands now. i'll do whatever i want with whoever i want" in a good moment i explain why i feel their friendship is inappropriate and why she may see it is a reason to hold on (i know how girls work) and he says he agrees with me that sometimes her calls and texts are a bit excessive then he tells me he "thinks" he has set boundaries but he also doesn't see why i care so much because he knows his intentions with her and their are none. Then it's just kinda over no real resolution in my eyes.
This morning i actually told him that with everything else he has going on and that he is trying to fix and accomplish i see her as an un needed stress and with his inability to handle stress and inability to set boundaries she really isn't the best thing to have around at this point. He kind of agreed, but he also doesn't see why she is such a stress to me. i'm trying so hard not to push but he's the kind of person that will just "let the problems resolve themselves"
He doesn't have a lot, actually none at all except her and some acquaintances . I feel like he doesn't know what an appropriate friendship is. I am a very popular outgoing girl and i have had friends for over 15 years and friends that i've known less than 2 but 1 thing is constant i never cross "lines" with them whether it's guys or girls they don't just pop by my house or blow my phone up (unless it's an emergency) I guess there are some things society has deemed ok and i tendto follow that. Of course there are exceptions to everything but i feel there is a general rule people follow. I'm rambling now i am just so frustrated
