Infidelity

[Whoad]

Question, how does one deal with the infidelity, upon the return of the BPD partner, whom has split me black to upon my  to the white knight.

Is this something that has to be addressed by non BPD. If so when?

Or is this something that just needs to forgotten/ forgiven... as part of the disorder, but then what boundary do I set for myself...

I'm still struggling with how to set boundary for myself on my wants/ needs/tolerance of
1) lying, planning, leaving
2) infidelity
3) lack of communication due to her stressors of her internal emotional state.

Anyone have ideas... what have you done... help please.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

The first step in setting a boundary is to determine

1. What the actual boundary is
2. What you will do when that boundary is violated

For instance, my boundary is that I will not allow anyone to call me names. My H can yell, but as soon as he begins name calling, I firmly say, "I don't like to be called names" and I leave the house.

For yourself, go through each of the areas you listed, and ask yourself some questions: is there a type of lying that you don't like? Do you mean all lies, white lies, or just big lies? If your pwBPD violates your boundary by lying, what will you do to prevent yourself from being affected by the lie? (Remember, you can't stop her from lying, cheating, or leaving. She is her own person and can do what she will do. You can only change your behavior in regards to the violation).

If you'd like, pick one and we can help you walk through setting up the boundary and the consequence.

[Whoad]

Issues: lying, about what you have done.
 Affects : kids, yourself, me, and others whom you converse with.

What will I do: ? I don't know what to do.

Boundaries are hard! Sad thing she teaches her kids to not lie, yet her example of how she plans, lies, even to them. Is so counter productive. Ugggh