When nobody is here for me...

[Lakebreeze]

I know this sounds selfish. But I'm just hitting a low spot. I feel like I have to validate and encourage and work on boundries and fight for any need I may have... .it's exhausting. Nobody wants to hear me complain anymore. I just want somebody to care about me for a change. Sorry for the pity party I'm just tired.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[5xFive]

Dear Lakebreeze,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have had the same pitY party often, most recently today! I posted how tired I am and how I'm so sick of validating everything when all I want to do is rage out myself. I'm tired too. I have no advice, but I wanted to tell you that you're not the only one experiencing this. Validation is HARD. We can do this! You are not selfish.

[Zoaron]

You're definitely not alone.  Validation has a hard time working for me, so I've been doing the SET method which seems to work better.  Support, Empathy, Truth.  But it will be different for everyone, ultimately you need to find what works for you.

[Lakebreeze]

Thanks for the replies! It's heart warming to have other human beings tell you they care.

[Zoaron]

Thanks for the replies! It's heart warming to have other human beings tell you they care.

I would say a vast portion of us, if not all, care quite a bit.  Otherwise, we wouldn't be on this site looking for ways to help care for the one we love as well.  I've felt a lot of comfort myself when I see others going through similar things as myself and we're able to talk about it openly, and I'm sure you will too.  If you need anything, even just to vent, we're all here.

[Emotions]

I care too! And i know that it might be rare when you/we are surrounded by a person with BPD, that is feeling the care from someone else, but a lot of people will actually care atleast a little when you start talking to them... .go for a walk and say good morning or good evening and see that you can make others smile, and feel the care that brings good luck!

[lostandconfused6]

You aren't alone at all! I have my own little pity party a few times a month i vent to my friends ( that support my choice to stay with him) and sometimes i just cry. I am in therapy for myself as much as i am to figure out the best way to help/be there for him.

I have a reputation of being a strong independent take no crap and bounce back from anything kind of girl (i've been through more in 30 years than most 70 year olds have) but when it comes to my BPDbf i'm different he comes before me and whatever he needs or wants i'm there i bend until the point i almost break because i love him and i know he's suffering and i want to be the person to show him not everyone is going to run or stay for selfish reasons. With that said i also have my whiny brat moments and break down and say "what about me? what about what i want? why can't you just give it to me?" it seems so simple to me because i ask for barely anything.

I can only speak for myself but i'm here to listen and care!

[forlorn]

Thanks for the replies! It's heart warming to have other human beings tell you they care.

Oh, Lakebreeze, thank YOU!  Thank you for the opportunity to be warm and loving without the fear of being rejected or shut down.  I think that is one of the things I value most about this site - the opportunity to be authentically me without risking an emotional annihilation.

You matter.  We all do.  I am so incredibly thankful that we're all here together.

[bananas2]

Hi Lakebreeze 

Please don't apologize or feel "selfish" for venting. If anything, I hope you realize the good it does:
1) It provides an emotional outlet that is critical to your psychological & physical well-being.
2) It allows others, like us, in your similar situation to relate and feel less alone with our struggles.
3) It helps the rest of us here to remember that we need to vent too.

So thank you for venting!

Words of wisdom from a friend of mine: "Visit pity city, but just don't take up residence there." Truth. 

[Lakebreeze]

Your thoughtful and heartfelt replies have me in tears. What genuinely nice people. Love to all of you, and thanks

[Turkish]

Hi Lakebreeze,

After dropping off our daughter to her mom this morning on the way to work, I started thinking about a lot of things. 

I was thinking about my uBPDx, my BPD mother,  my children, then a lot of people I've known through the years who engaged in destructive behaviors.  Last of all,  I thought about myself---- and I know this can be hard to do for those of us with BPD in our lives. 

PwBPD describe feeling "empty." My ex used to say this.  I can feel lack,  but truly feeling "empty" I can only begin to comprehend.  It may go hand-in-hand with a fragmented psyche and unsure sense of self many pwBPD experience. But I started thinking further.

Turning to myself during the commute,  I started thinking about that which I lacked,  and that which I searched for.  I'm not BPD, nor are you,  nor is the 94% of the population.  However,  the one thing I think we all have in common is the need to be loved; behind that,  the need to be valued,  which is pretty much the same. 

It's so easy to forget this,  especially in BPD relationships.  Everyone needs value and love.  We are all mirrors to each other,  and at see ourselves as others see us,  both good and bad.  This it's crucial to reach out to others so we aren't isolated and trapped in a mirror of our own pain. 

It's easy to be isolated,  and hard to reach out (I know this all too well), so I'm glad you reached out for support,  because you are worth it,  so are we all.   

Turkish

[Auspicious]

A very wise person once told me "you aren't going to get your sunshine from her {BPDw} right now". We need to find some sunshine somewhere else sometimes. Glad you sought some here!