Splitting vs Breaking Up

[SCMan]

Hi all,

I've previously explained my situation https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=311522.0.
Nothing really has changed as I tried talking to her about our relationship two weeks ago, asked to meet for 15 minutes and she turned me down. Hurtful conversation for me and likely stressful for her too as she told me to move on, blamed me for the end of our relationship, etc.

My question: When is it splitting and when is it a failed relationship?

She split 3x on me in 3.5 years and each time I walked her back by logically asking her why she was doing that now, how the splitting cycle started, and how we could salvage the relationship.


Thanks for your thoughts.

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[onelittleladybug]

Hi SCman

My question: When is it splitting and when is it a failed relationship?

I think that varies greatly and is very personal. Ive experienced 2 months myself. Some people wouldnt want to deal with that and would let go. Others might wait longer. I think its more important to ask yourself how long you are able or willing to wait. What do you want most of all? Improve or move on? If you want to improve the r/s you can actually make this time and space really work for you by concentrating on learning some of the tools here 

What is the back story? Did she want a commitment and you werent ready until later?

[SCMan]

What is the back story? Did she want a commitment and you werent ready until later?

Yes, I was wrapping up my drawn out divorce and then when it was over, she didn't want to talk about marriage anymore but wanted to just date.

Then, over the next 6 months we often talked about getting a place together, but I was hesitant given her two recycling events during this time. She abruptly got her own place 6 months ago and surprisingly things seemed to be quite great between us.

But, I returned from a 19 day humanitarian trip this summer in East Africa, said I wanted to move in together, said I never wanted to leave her, wanted to get married and she abruptly dumped me after I expressed these desires... .despite loving texts every day I was on my trip. She said she no longer sees a future for us and that was 8 weeks ago now. She hasn't initiated any contact with me in the last 8 weeks.

Needless to say, I regret not moving forward when I wasn't ready, but logically know she was also resisting commitment.